YOU COULD HAVE HAD AN IGUANA

A few drinks, and a few conversations. Smoked two pipefulls and had a little champagne. All in all a quiet new years eve, as wild partying and rampant misbehaviour is concerned. And yes, it was at the cigar club, which was bustling but not loud.
A person could actually hear him or herself think.
Which is rare for busy evenings.
No sports fans.

Shortly after arriving I ended up chatting with a gentleman visiting from Charleston smoking a Havana. We were soon joined at that end of the bar by a Chinese American babysitting her blitheringly intoxicated black boyfriend. Whose drunkenness cannot be exaggerated. When he got angry at her and went to hang out with some white dudes in the corner she had a few moments respite, but eventually he was back, worse than ever, and she had to take him home.


Idea for a festive dish: Iguana Thermidor.

Take all the meat and cook it, then mix it with cream, egg yolks, sherry, paprika, cayenne, a little mustard powder, and heat gently till it thickens and becomes custard-like. Strew this with Gruyere cheese and bread crumbs and brown under the broiler. Serve.
When done with lobster, the creamy goop is dumped into the lobster shell before browning, but obviously this is not practical with a blood-encrusted iguana skin (head still attached), although it would be artistic and inspired.

Chicken, by the way, can be done the same way.


All conversations with Chinese people, even Mandarin-speakers with drunk black lovers, end up being about food. But maybe that's just me.
I came up with the idea of Iguana Thermidor.


Anyhow, the Chinese American left with her nauseatingly blotto boy toy by ten o'clock, so she had an exciting but ultimately nasty new years eve.
This blogger, a gentleman from Charleston, three other pipesmokers, and several other people had a fine time.

Somewhat disappointingly Auld Lang Syne wasn't sung after the champagne, because no one else knows the words.
What is wrong with this generation?
They just don't know stuff.
This is important.


ADVICE

All problems with disgusting boyfriends can be quickly and easily solved with a baseball bat. Carry one in your purse at all times.

Traditional new years eve celebrations must involve champagne, rich food (suggestion: Iguana Thermidor), and an off-key rendition of Auld Lang Syne.


Here are the words:

AULD LANG SYNE

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And old lang syne?

Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup,
And surely I’ll buy mine;
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

[Repeat chorus]


There are more verses, and certain weird dialect pronunciations are sometimes considered customary, along with hairy drunks in skirts.
But unlike Iguana Thermidor, there is no conceivable benefit to having Scotsmen at you parties.

Skip that and learn how to sing it yourself.


NOTE: The only time when Scotsmen can sing is January 25th., which, is also when such people may be present. They should be silent at all other times, preferably absent entirely.
And for heavens sake, keep them away from the single malt.
We found it, it's ours.



Happy New Year.



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