HONG KONG SHANGHAI PORKCHOP NOODLES

Sometimes a Dutch American with bad circulation in his legs needs to step out of the house and get a bit of exercise. Like, everyday. Good for the veins in his legs, his mental state, and his digestion. Late lunch in Chinatown, followed by a pipe of tobacco while avoiding tourists. Because, as everyone knows, tourists spread disease (covid if they're American, syphilis and a congenital sneering superiority complex if they're foreign, plus probably also covid).

You can probably see what I mean by mental state.

Rest assured, I'm in a much better temper once I've done that, and can even tolerate people again. I might look with a kindly eye at your multitudinous offspring. Despite the entire world knowing that American Anglo kiddies are the rudest creatures on the planet until they've had to deal with the real world for a few years. Early adulthood at the very least. Oooh, what a cute little monster! Kudos on spawning!

Nasty little dingoes.

What I would really like for lunch would be the porkchop noodle combo at a typical Hong Kong restaurant established by exiles, like Kam Cheng or the Wing Wah in Kowloon. Except that I am nowhere near there. The only things which are similar are the weather (low to mid sixties, very slight chance of rain), the presence of a lot of people who speak Cantonese and smoke like chimneys, and the availability of hot Hong Kong Milk Tea (港式奶茶 'gong sik naai chaa'). So I'll probably end up with a random fried noodle dish and a cup of milk tea.

But what I really want is those porkchops.
I just don't feel like cooking.

Easy and lazy way: Marinate the pork cutlets in rice wine or sherry and an equal amount soy sauce and sugar half an hour, then dredge with flour or 'paneermeel' (ground toasted rusk). Or dip and dredge. Your choice. Then deep pan-fry, like Southern Fried Chicken, till golden crispy crusty both sides (still tender and juicy within), remove and drain, slice and arrange over boiled Shanghai noodles (粗面) with some yauchoi and minced scallion or chives to garnish. The noodles benefit from a splash of concentrated chicken stock, a slight drizzle soy, and a few drops sesame oil only.

Shanghai noodles can be addictive. All over Kennedy Town and North Point you can see disheveled addicts sprawled half naked shooting them directly into their veins. Erm, oops, sorry, that's the San Francisco Tenderloin neighborhood and some other stuff, carefully arranged for Fox News cameras whenever the red states want to feel good about themselves again.

Still. Addictive.


Please note: A vegan version can be made with thick slices of cauliflower, if you're so inclined. And very white. And have no reason to live. Go ahead.


Two pipes to put in pocket before leaving the house:

Both are pipes I've had for a long time. Very old-fashioned. And perfectly suited to the mild-medium aged Virginia with a touch of Perique which I've got in my pouch. Very much like a kangaroo. With good tobacco instead of a joey. Because good pipe tobacco is very much preferable to the average whelp of many species. Just remember that. You made your choices, they were bad, and I respect that.



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