FAINTLY EARTHY AND EXOTIC

An acquaintance mentioned that he was planning a trip into the foothills, camping, and needed cigars to keep away bears and insects. Which ab initio is a lousy excuse for Oliva Melanio Serie V figurados (a damned fine cigar), and I doubt that it would keep away ursines if the campsite smells otherwise appealing. "Mmm, what's that aroma? Grilled weenies, pace salsa picante, smores, and something faintly earthy yet exotic. Let's raid 'em." Whereupon mama bear and her offspring amble in and take over.
"Ooh, a cooler filled with beer!"

Those cigars are gonna be might fine while you're up in that tree. So as part of your camp security and safety, precautionarily, it is best to stash your travel humidor as high up as you can climb, with a thermos flask of coffee, which you will need to replace daily.

Can you climb, boy? Or run?

You now understand why I've never gone camping in California. The furthest I'll go is the outer extent of urban raccoon territory. They're smaller, and more easily out-argued. Besides, once you've handed the critter one weenie, he or she will toddle off to eat in private.


There are a whole bunch of mama skunk and baby skunk videos that have shown up on the internet recently. Adorable rotundish animals, with a keen curiosity, and lovely fluffy puff-ball tails. Those creatures show up in areas with more greenery than the inner city.

Basically, there are three zones: city, with raccoons, crows, and the occasional coyote. Spread-out residential suburban, with skunks and people with horrible values. Wild country, where there are bears, mountain lions, and psychopaths living in trailers next to a creek. An Oliva Melanio Serie V, whether the figurado, or the double toro, even the long and elegant Churchill, can be enjoyed in all three areas, but in the first two a Karen may come bustling out to yell at you to smoke that nasty thing next to the compost heap. There are far fewer Karens and compost heaps in the final zone. But in many ways it's not any better.
Oh, also rattle snakes and poison ivy.



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