VISITING SAN FRANCISCO

It has come to my attention that many visitors to our lovely city are upset at the smell of urine. Because where they come from, NOBODY pees. Possibly because many people there ate themselves into diabetes and their kidneys failed so that they need to go down to the clinic for dialysis three times a week. Also, they've never heard of dogs. Whatever the reason, no pee. Remarkably they also bitch about there being nowhere to pee here.

In fact, whenever I'm in the tourist zone of the city -- Union Square, Chinatown, North Beach, and Fishermans Wharf -- the number of hick visitors hopping up and down and clenching is phenomenal. Which leads to only ONE conclusion: they can't read a damned map. Makes you wonder if they've ever figured out how General Sherman found a city to burn.
Maps. Quite revolutionary! Who da thunk!

Also, the signs reading "bathrooms for customers only", which are in simple English, are entirely impenetrable. Precisely like the sign at my cardiologists office which states "masks required", which the Russian family groups absolutely failed to comprehend, because having come from the Soviet Union they are out of practise as far as actually reading stuff, or even comprehending. For the visiting English speakers in Chinatown, the message "bathrooms for customers only" strongly suggests that IF you spend money in the restaurant, snacketarium, or beverage place, THEN your aunt Margaret can use the damned loo.

If you don't want to spend any money (which is hard to come by in Bupkes, Louisiana, or neighboring settlements, I know), then you can always go down to Portsmouth Square. Which is centrally located. There's a lovely urinary facility there.

Helpful schematic for tourists

Please note that it is two small city blocks away from the pyramid, opposite which there is a Starbucks, where you can also pee. Five blocks away from Union Square, where there are MANY opportunities to pee. In fact, there are bars, restaurants, and coffee shops all over the damned city, where in similar fashion YOU. CAN. PEE. If you are visiting from Europe, you are probably habitual alcoholics, and undoubtedly familiar with bars.

If you are Russian, you're probably S.O.L., because it would mean spending money. You folks don't do that. Sorry. Again, go to Portsmoputh Square. Расположенный в центре!



By the way: I know y'all don't wear masks where you come from. Probably the loops confuse you. There is no way I can do a schematic for that. It must remain a mystery (загадка).



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