THAT'S VERY DIFFERENT!

Years ago on Saturday Night Live, Gilda Radner had a running personality as Emily Litella, who misunderstood things and made angry speeches until someone corrected her. "Oooh, that's very different; never mind."
In short, no more violins on television!

She also featured in the Landshark episode. Who where actually only dolphins, moonlighting as plumbers.

"Considered the cleverest of all sharks, unlike the great white, which tends to inhabit the waters of harbours and recreational beach areas, the landshark may strike at any time, (and) any place; it is capable of disguising its voice and generally attacks young single women. Experts at the University of Miami's Oceanographic Institute suggest that the best way to scare off the shark in the event of an attack is to hit or punch the predator in the nose."

The same thing you would do with a Jehovah's Witness, in other words.


It strikes me that the best way of dealing with a landshark would be to distribute Barbie dolls in front of other people's doors, precisely like emptying a bucket of chum in the water to lure them into the kiddie pool.
That way they won't ring your doorbell.

Don't be surprised if one of these days you see dolls in front of random doorways in your apartment building. Please go back inside and ignore any sounds you hear. I'm just protecting you from the sharks.


And, related thereto, commenter Snowy D. writes underneath a recent post:

"BE WARY OF THE ABDOMINAL SNOWMAN!!! VERY VERY WARY OF THE ABDOMINABLE SNOWMAN!!!! HE CAN CAUSE YOU LOTS OF PAIN AND DANGER. Will you please, in your great kindness, write a post about this?"

End cite.

The essay he or she commented upon was about food-poisoning. Which I had last week, from my own cooking. It was altogether ghastly. I may have lost nearly ten more pounds, and I'm still recovering from it, which takes quite a while.
It took me four days to get my appetite back, although the baked Portuguese Chicken Rice, with globs of hot sauce, definitely helped. Plus a cup of HK milk tea to wash it down, and a pipeful of aged blonde and red Virginia leaf, with the merest smidgeon of Perique, after.

Generally speaking, wariness regarding Abdominal Snowmen is well advised. Consequently, I never eat at Chipotle, and strenuously avoid almost all restaurants where Caucasians are preparing "ethnic" food. They frequently make it too designer and hip, and upset stomachs are par for the course.

I've never had food poisoning at a place where Mexicans or Chinese cook.
The Abdominal Snowman doesn't work there.

Ginger, both dried and fresh, is good for the digestion.
Keeps the Abdominal Snowman away.
Avoid kale; it's garbage.


I need to buy a gross of naked Barbie dolls.
There are none in this apartment.


"A sashimi plate with pea puree." Dang, that sounds disgusting. Prepared, of course, by a white person. I can get you some egg-salad sandwiches.




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================