POSITIVE ASSISTANCE NOW!

In a news report detailing the damage done to our intelligence agencies by a consulting firm, the following sentence caught my eye: "Xxx positively assisted in a supporting capacity." That's almost the acme of PR spin.

The busboy who spilled the soup near the bathroom door causing desperate urinators to slip and hurt themselves before achieving their goal, then mopped it up with a poo-stained rag, 'positively assisted in a supporting capacity'. The patient died, but the operation was a success. The fellow who wheeled the deceased patient to the mortuary 'positively assisted in a supporting capacity'. The rat whose gnawing started an electrical fire that drove you outdoors moments before the earthquake brought down the entire building 'positively assisted in a supporting capacity'.

I think I'll put it on my resume.

The firm, which I shall not name here because I don't want to attract too much attention, has come under scrutiny in recent years for its positive assistance in a supporting capacity to several authoritarian and corrupt governments of shit-hole countries whom I also shall not name.
As well as U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

They have offices in important cities all around the globe. Given their reach and influence -- everybody has been affected by their involvement -- they could be considered the new world government.


Positively assisted in a supporting capacity!


You know what? They need promo items!
Coffee mugs, tee-shirts, and tote bags!
Logo and eight hundred number.
Plus free baseball caps!
Call us, 24/7.


It's a business opportunity.



Their internal corporate culture is marked by interpersonal "affection" and "admiration". That's worth emulating, and I have been told that I am too sarcastic and cynical. My lack of positivism works negatively.
I could learn a lot from them.




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