MAGNETIC WORDS

Moments ago I saw a post with the words 'yoga', 'essential oils', 'juice cleanse', and 'kale'. It more or less dealt with medical matters, and fortunately the author wasn't taking those cited concepts seriously. Evenso, some readers objected. The words 'gmo', 'gluten', and 'apple cider vinegar' were angrily utilized.

Herewith a short list of terms which attract more internet comment than seemingly anything else. With comment.


All natural
Something that costs more.
Anal
Of or pertaining to the final part of the digestive tract. Either that or a neurotic compulsive behaviour.
Antivax
Neurosis and ignorance combined.
Anti-gun legislation
Highly necessary, because America's fascination with weapons is childish. A subject which will get you killed in Texas.
Autism
Often a pre-condition for genius. Just make sure that the child has lots of fascinating science and history textbooks, maybe even a musical instrument, and access to painting supplies. Books on logical problems and mathematics are also a very good idea.
Baltimore
A lovely city on the East Coast, where the musical 'Hairspray' is set.
Beauty tips
Yeah, no. Red lipstick can be striking, and for the rest just wash occasionally.
Border
The place where ICE detains people, and where children are brutalized with Republican approval.
Binary
Code.
Briefs
Underwear, usually female is meant. Rather than lurking in Macy's, teenage boys of all ages head straight for the internet.
Cancer
This is NOT cured by natural means. Apple cider vinegar has NO effect. The medical profession ISN'T hiding the cure. GMOs and modern agriculture are not the causes, love and a vegetarian diet will not cure it.
Cats
I like cats. Particularly when they are assholes.
Carolina Reaper
One of the hottest chili peppers there is. It's an amusing concept, but probably won't ever be a regular part of my diet. For a while Habaneros were a frequent inclusion in my meals, but I've scaled back because anything beyond a sustainable capsaicin level makes it impossible to appreciate the standard hot sauces and spices. I'm perfectly fine with Sriracha and normal sambals, and chopped Jalapenos for crunch. I have no need to prove my manhood. I've seen enough dumbasses do that by adding stuff beyond their normal heat level, with unpleasant results. Oh, such machismo! Idiots.
Chiropractic
Hippie bullshit.
Christian singles
Yeah, no. I have no wish to pursue this concept, or know any of these people.
Cure
A process, usually based on chemistry, biology, or therapy. Not magic. Not Vegan. Not miracle food. Not gluten-free.
Essential oils
Hippie bullshit.
Global warming
Real, happening.
Gluten free
Idiocy.
GMO
The improvement in crops due to selective breeding and modifications in a lab. Probably the solution to world hunger, numerous dietary deficiencies, over-use of fertilizer, and ridiculous farming practices by hippies. 
Green coffee bean extract
Hippie bullshit.
Gun laws
Highly necessary. Except in Texas. Let those f*ckers kill each other.
Hello Kitty
Something of which I approve. No, not on my underwear. But as an ironic gestalt.
Icelandic bee honey
Something of which I also approve. No, not on my underwear, but as an ironic gestalt.
Jesus
An imaginary friend, ultimately derived from Babylonian and Sumerian deities.
Johnson
Not the subject of a rant by Lebowski, but the moron who is now in charge of Britain.
Juice cleanse
Something useless, and possibly dangerous.
Kale
Not a superfood, but when sauteed with garlic, ginger, and bacon actually rather tasty. Not a suitable ingredient in shakes. Unless you add bacon.
Kittens
Cute things that grow up to be cats. Helpless for the first few weeks, then curious and wobbly.
Kushner Cos
Slum landlords in Baltimore.
Liberals
A necessary good. Without them you'd be working long hours for starvation wages, have no future or voting rights, be illiterate, and very likely in jail for uppityness and saying something.
Mass shooting
Something caused by gun nuts.
Measles
A disease for which there is a vaccination, which is totally safe, effective, and highly recommended by people who don't have their heads screwed up their back passage.
Mexico
Source of chilies, corn, salsa, avocados, and stupendous graphics.
Mississippi
One of the most vile places on the planet.
Mitch McConnell
A vile human being.
Naked
There are two times during the average day when I am naked. In between finishing my morning wash and putting on my streetwear, and at the end of day after brushing my teeth and going to bed. This is not abnormal.
Natural
The pure and wholesome state of pipe tobacco without artificial flavourings and humectants, provided all processing has been done by a responsible company. In the past, Hendrik Taconis Tabaksfabrikant (Oldenhove and Leeuwarden) produced a thin ribbon Maryland tobacco which was so clean and pure that children could stuff it in their clays, at present one must rely on Pease, Sam Gawith, Cornell & Diehl, Daughters and Ryan, L.J.Peretti, and Germains (esoterica). But note that some of these brands also cater to perverts, so read up on their products first. Smokers of aromatics are the larger part of the business, unfortunately. Scandinavian manufacturers also make some fine products, often available in bulk at your local tobacconist.
Especially in college towns.
Simple ribbon-cut Maryland ("Baai Tabak") is hard to find nowadays, but almost nothing beats a good Virginia blend, or a mixture of Virginias and Perique. Samuel Gawith's Golden Glow, Best Brown, Saint James Flake; Greg Pease's Union Square, Regency, and Stonehenge(!); Esoterica's Dunbar and Dorchester, and of course Elizabethan and Dark Flake.
Also try Orlik's Golden Sliced.
Natural healing
Complete & utter bullshit. All healing is a natural process, frequently aided by sound nutrition, bed rest, and well-researched chemistry. Without at the very least aspirin, penicillin, vaccines, blood pressure medications, and artificial insulin, plus dentistry, life in the modern world would still be nasty, brutish, and short.
Pizza
A jolly good thing.
Russia
See Mississippi.
Sanders
Why is this dipshit running again?!?
Sex
Hypothetical. At my age, something I think about.
Thermal underwear
Might be a good idea.
Transgender
Not something I think about.
Tofu
Most white people shouldn't even think about cooking this. It's best with garlic, chilies, douban jeung, and fatty pork. A vegetarian version can be made with salmon.
Trump
A lying vulgarian of extremely low morals.
Vape
Absolutely the most addictive nicotine delivery system there is, often made deliberately appealing to younger adults who never really matured by the addition of candy flavourings. Similar, in that regard, to aromatic pipe tobaccos, and on the same level of depravity.
Vegan
Pretentious.
Vladimir Putin
A man with severe psychological defects who rules a country marked by severe psychological defects. McConnell, Trump, and Kim's handler.
Wall
Seriously? You know that there are ladders, right?
Weather
What the British talk about in lieu of sex.
Yoga
Hippie bullshit.
Yoni egg
One of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard about.


There are many other words that start discussion and acrimony flowing, but the ones listed above are more than enough to ruin any conversation.


What with being all sweetness and light, and an amicable sort of man, agreeable and whatnot, I never talk about such things.



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