THE KETCHUP HORDES HAVE LANDED!

It struck me that if you really want to the tourists to have a treat, you need to feed them some real food. Too many servings of sweet 'n sour pork and they'll bloat up like Harvey the Whale. And seeing as most of them come from the deep interior, where lard is king, they're already coping with a bit of surplussage.

I like lard. It's what makes a pie-crust so deliciously good.
But Midwesterners use it with damned well everything except corn on the cob and cheese.

These are the people who have a tendency to roll.


From what I've heard, my maternal grandmother always praised fat kids as "nice and healthy looking", mistaking morbidly obese with well-nourished. She was from the Midwest, as was her husband, who was far more realistic about the Honey Boo Boos of the world.

Unfortunately the home cooking of their world included string beans boiled for half a day, as well as three different greasy potato dishes with each meal. They dropped the multiple potatoes early on, which lead to longevity.
My grandfather passed away in his eighties.


Better for you: Cantonese Home Cooking


Chicago has grease-bomb skillet-pizza swimming in lard, Ohio does pizza on a stick deepfried in lard. Kansans simply drink it straight out of the tub.

Yeah no, I've never been to Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, Ohio, and Wisconsin. But judging from the nice visitors wandering around the city, their diets leave something to be desired.

Now you know why the woolly mammoth is extinct.
They were all deepfried in lard.
On a stick.





==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================