A MESS OF SHAWNS

For some reason I was reminded of a word in Dutch that had naughty connotations, albeit somewhat innocently, and originally had none such at all: Sjansen. It's a verb. first person present tense: Ik sjans. Second person present: hy sjanst. Zy sjanst. Plural second person present: zy sjansen.
The 'j' in Dutch is like the 'y' in English, 'sj' sounds like 'sh'.

It entered my ken when two teenagers were making out in the shrubbery of a vacant lot behind our neighbors property. One of us kids described their activity with that word. Clearly the derivation is either from English 'chance', or French. It sounds delicious, if drawled a bit, with a 'z' instead of an 's'.

'Shawnzzz'

No, they weren't naked or doing anything sticky, just an innocent bit of face licking. They were 'shawnzing'. It was an experiment.


Shawn?
One of the previous occupants of this apartment was Shawn. Irritatingly, the Scientologists still send him publications and letters, over a dozen a month. And while I could call up each particular unit of that berserk cult to ask them to stop, and inform them that he moved, went to heaven, got arrested, is probably dead and deservedly so, converted to hairy fishnuts, got married, or lost his marbles and any possible and misguided interest in them, that would only get them to change the name on the robomail.
They'd send it all to me instead.
And I'm not crazy.

I usually put the Shawns in the garbage.
Much like election literature.
Or anything occupant.

In an ideal world, we'd hunt down all these generators of junk mail, and whack them. Shawn too. Idiot.

Never give your mailing address to cults.
Or political outfits.


This blogger, for your information, has not 'shawnzed' in oh, like donkeys' years. Even during my most romantic period, face licking was limited to discrete pecking, sometimes nuzzling, and the avoidance of tonsils or teeth. The problem with any of those activities, you understand, is that it is difficult to look the other person in the eye while doing so, especially if glasses are involved. And glasses are damn' sexy.


"Heavens, miss Twitchet, you look stunning with that lipstick, the high heels, and those spectacles!"

"As do you, Mr. Thingummy, with your pipe, rumpled wardrobe, and reading glasses!"


As you can see, it helps if you can take a good look.
Proper lighting, and warm caffeine, are key.

Either that or a fabulous display, like many bird species. Spreading feathers, inflating colourful throat pouches if you have them, ritualized prancing, and exultant vocalizations, harmonious and repetitive.
It will drive the neighbors wild.
Full throttle shawnzing.





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