Tuesday, September 11, 2012

SAND POUNDING

One of the characteristics of my mother was that while she didn’t actually nurse a grudge for years, she had a very long memory. In consequence, she could remember points of friction with other people for all eternity.

And she wasn't very forgiving of folks she did not like.

She was brilliant, albeit stubborn as shoe leather.

I have inherited certain key traits from her.

And I'm somewhat gouty at present.

A long time ago, when someone suggested to my mother that the only reason she liked my father was because he had an aeroplane, she snapped that he could take that aeroplane, fold it until there was nothing left but sharp corners, and shove it.
After a few seconds to let this startlingly blunt instruction sink in, she added "and pound sand after".


In that vein, I have words of advice for a few people.

To the person who told me that I didn't have a soul (either because I'm a Gentile OR because I'm rational) - go pound sand.

To the activists who are convinced that I'm a plant for the other side because I refuse to hate Arabs - go pound sand.

To the folks who wish to stand with fundamentalist Christian "Israel supporters" that hate gays and seek to outlaw abortion - go pound sand.

To the Russian-Jewish woman who asserted that I was obviously well-trained in "Christian Talmud Criticism" - go pound sand.

To the Arab who called me a racist because I refuse to accept murder as "legitimate" resistance - go pound sand.

To the Berkeleyite who insisted that all Jews were racists and that Israel had no right to exist because it was Jewish - go pound sand.

To the Mediterranean dude who asserted that the current spate of unrest in the Middle-East is a Zionist plot - go pound sand.

To the College professor who asserted that the Talmud was the source of every problem in the world - go pound sand.

To my Dutch correspondents who castigated me because I am an American,and will not condemn Israel and the Jews like they do - go pound sand.

To the Europeans who have told me that I am an imperialist tool, and that all Yankees are subhuman anyway - go pound sand.



Okay, that gets politics out of the way.


Now for some more personal issues.

To the female who said that I could never inspire passion - go pound sand.
To the blonde who said she only dated men with cars - go pound sand.
To the old drunkard who only yacks about Nietzsche - go pound sand.
To the ignorant, 'enlightened', and pierced Berkeleyite - go pound sand.
To the musical old hippie who only talks about himself - go pound sand.
To the drunken middle-aged git obsessed with gay porn - go pound sand.
To the ugly old bastard with the handlebar moustache who believes he's irresistible to all men, gay, straight, or totally twisted - go pound sand.
To the prissy Philippino looking for a white sugar daddy - go pound sand.
To the big-titted blonde party girl and her crude ape-like ex-football squad college boy - go pound sand - and let me tell you both where.

To the morons who still believe the birther nonsense - go pound sand.
To everybody who reads that horrible blog 'Atlas Shrugs' - go pound sand.
To people who think that Obama is a Nazi Muslim in disguise - go pound sand.

To women who are into chakras, auras, highly individualistic clothing choices, and super meaningful forms of personal expression, heck, to every shallow San Franciscan bint who thinks men should worship her, as well as all the twits that feel deserving of special consideration because of immodestly flaunted cleavage, bare legs, and booty, AND the men who fall for that crap - go pound sand.

To every single one of the artistic types working in restaurants who don't understand what food service is all about, along with the patrons and the bar-staff at hip night clubs with overpriced designer cocktails - go pound sand.

To all the twenty-somethings who believe that they are interesting, creative, unique, entitled, better than anyone else, and oh so special - go pound sand.

Please do it twice if you have tattoos or piercings.


A FEW WORDS OF LOVE

The San Francisco Bay Area contains far too many loathsome pustules. Most of you people are a complete waste of time, and in sufficient number induce a gag-reflex that could upchuck the entire state of Texas plus raw sewage and a few dead muskrats, that bad.
Your attitudes, your vanity and pretensions, and above all your staggering vulgarity, superficiality, self-indulgence, conceit, and ridiculously inflated sense of self-worth, are thoroughly sickening.
The encyclopedia entry for "revolting" shows a map of the Bay Area.




NOTE: If you are a nice person, you really shouldn't be reading this. It isn't aimed at you, and I wouldn't want to hurt you. Please don't pound sand, and go read something distracting and cheerful instead.

If you are NOT a nice person - in which case you are probably feeling upset and insulted right now, without really understanding why - you should reread it. Several times.

Let me know if you need extra sand.

I'm all heart, I can provide the sand.

PS.: Don't forget the sharp corners.


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4 comments:

e-kvetcher said...

this will cheer you up

The back of the hill said...

I have a vewwy good fwend in Wome named........

Anonymous said...

And if matters worsen, then no more Mr Nice Guy - you will *really* tell them off.

A rant worthy of an 18th century London coffee house. Well done.

MK

Anonymous said...

Yakkkkhhhh!

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