At the back of the hill

Warning: May contain traces of soy, wheat, lecithin and tree nuts. That you are here
strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton.
And that you might like cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Sunday, June 03, 2018


Underneath a recent post, a Spammanian commenter suggested that anti-aging unguents were the answer. And would prolong life far beyond.
But good lord, nobody would ever desire a well-oiled zombie.
Although at times my cheeks are kissable and silken.
A good shave, and a skin restorative.
That's what's needed.

Or, if you're like my ex-girlfriend, sound genetic stock, a petite frame, and a deceptively innocent face. During the last few years that we were together, people would look at me as if I was some rancid old pervert (evil middle-aged white man), and her like a sweet young tropic flower roped in by the prospect of food. Caucasians do not mature as well as East Asians do.

Despite a mere eight year age gap between us, the difference in appearance was striking. She now looks twenty years younger than me, and I look positively degenerated.

I don't suppose you understand how good that is for the fragile male ego.

Someone seriously (!) advised me recently that I should try to find a female companion of my own age. My response was that two women half my age would be infinitely better. Preferable in any case. Twins.

That should teach them not to tell me what to do.
It came quite unbidden in any case.
Well-meaning, though.

Rendered grease from an endangered species. That's the ticket! It will make the skin lovely and soft. And then my face will seem like a baby's bottom at the end of a stick.

The rare velvet-cheeked iguana.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:

All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


  • At 11:56 AM, Anonymous Schlomo said…

    Happy Pride Month, Mr. Hill le Dutchman!

    Do you love and support your queer comrades, cousins, and compatriots?

    Every day in June is devoted to a different kind of queer pride. My favorite is June 9th, Gray Asexual Pride Day!

    Please write a post about this. Pride is important!

  • At 1:25 PM, Anonymous Schlomo said…

    Hey, did you see my comment? Will you please write a post? Honor gray asexuals. Graysexuals!

  • At 8:43 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    There is too much specificity in that. I prefer something more uncertain.

  • At 1:05 AM, Anonymous Schlomo said…

    I do not understand. Too much specificity in what? My comment? Pride month? Gray Asexual Pride Day?

  • At 2:01 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Gray Asexuals? Yeah, no. How about simply folks who don't have anything going on, and are not worked up about it. Sh&t happens, or doesn't. Let's not get worked up about it, and not even mention it socially.

  • At 4:02 AM, Anonymous Schlomo said…

    No, that's not what "gray asexual" means. It means people who only very rarely, or weakly, experience sexual attraction. Nothing to do with how often they have sex. Someone could have sex twenty times a day, or never, and still be gray asexual. Just as a man could have sex with women twenty times a day, and still be 100% gay.

  • At 9:59 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    You misunderstand.
    I'm not interested in discussing their sex life. And whatever they feel about sex, or feel about their sex life, or however much or little they wish to discuss sex in general, their particular sexuality, or their sex life, is something that doesn't particularly interest me.


Post a Comment

<< Home

Newer›  ‹Older