PROCESSES OF ELIMINATION

Today, at approximately eleven o'clock, I realized that certain things aren't always straightforward, and might be helpfully discussed in a blogpost. Very well then. There are three ways by which the average human gets rid of certain build-ups: expectoration, micturation, defecation. Well, there is also a fourth thing, but it only hits one of the genders, and takes a few days of the month, and most men find it a problematic subject -- not me, as I am perfectly at ease talking in great detail about the menses, but I myself have no personal experience of it, just book knowledge (wikipedia) -- so all you need to know is that it involves lots of fried chicken.
We'll leave it at that.

In reverse order: Defecation, Micturation, Expectoration.


DEFECATION

This involves a small room where you might be private. Most rational men retreat there in the morning with reading material and a cigar.
Lately I've been smoking Nicaraguans.


MICTURATION

The first time you urinate after getting dressed may be confusing, because the front flap of your boxers is in a different place than it was yesterday and your fingers can't find it. Be patient. And stay calm.
This morning at work I panicked a little, because there were things to do beforehand, and consequently I felt pressured. But I persevered.
And was, ultimately, successful.
Shortly after eleven.


EXPECTORATION

It's sort of disgusting.
Let's not talk about it.


One of my associates, a respected member of the judiciary, is getting old.
A few weeks ago I remarked on the length of time he spent in the men's room -- we had despaired of seeing him again that day -- and he mentioned by way of explanation that some things 'change' with age. Probably not the capacity of the urethra, per se, but one suspects that the prostate may be enlarged. Old men's dribbling, in all likelihood.


And that, boys, is why you should take care to not leak on the toilet seat in the men's room.
Aim with care, and show some consideration. Because some day you may have to compose yourself thereupon.




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================