THE OBSESSIVE LIST

There are some things one hesitates to do in public, because they give other people murderous impulses. One of those is smoking a full Latakia mixture in one's pipe. If one were to do that in Berkeley, for instance, one might get pummeled to death by full-on Feminist-o-vegan dumptrucks, or triggered willow-men, also vegan. Plus earth-mothers and sun-fathers.
Moonbeams in Mayan shirts.

So, for the third day in a row I shall studiously avoid Berkeley. And like yesterday head down to Chinatown, where men are men and women are fairly tolerant of peculiar old farts. Lunch, then a bench in an alleyway.

I am smoking Dunhill's Nightcap, which reminds me of my youth.

Thoroughly misspent, and enjoyable.

It's a Lat bomb.


But that brings up another question, namely the list of pipe tobaccos that a newbie really must try. And everyone has seen such a list. Here's mine, in alpha order, with why you should try these.


Bengal Slices.
Both the original and Russ Oullette's version are damned fine smokes, though the latter is way stinkier. Remember Berkeley?
This will get you killed there.

Borkum Riff -- aromatic Cav. mix.
Named, appropriately, after the location of numerous ship wrecks.
Mediocre mouth-burning sog-pew.

Capstan -- flake.
Solid stuff. Good-o.

Captain Black Grape -- grape soda Cavendish.
Not one iota of tobacco flavour, smooth and mild, and virtually bite free.
It may ghost your pipe and prompt your friends to stage an intervention.
I hope they use whips and chains.

Captain Black White -- rhymes with 'shite'.
Some pervert will recommend this to you. Only reason to smoke it is probably bragging rights, like riding a mechanical bull.

Cornell & Diehl Haunted Bookshop -- Burley based.
The late Bob Runowski created this splendid blend. Good when fresh, but gorgeous when aged a year or more. Like Bob's many other creations this is old-fashioned Americana, and perhaps not to everyone's liking.

Cult Blood Red Moon -- Cavendish Burley Cherry.
Mary in the Carolinas loved this when she was a wee lass about a year ago. I think she's grown up since then. I smoked it once. Only once.
Tastes like chocolate cherry, emphasis on the cherry.
I despise such things, and so should you.

Dunhill Early Morning Pipe -- mild English.
Good stuff.

Dunhill Dark Flake -- a mahogany-hued Virginia.
Almost perfumy, and quite mild. A contemplative smoke, perfect in cold rainy weather or the quiet after midnight.

Dunhill Flake -- a standard Virginia.
Decent tobacco, good as a palate cleanser.

Dunhill My Mixture 965 -- medium Oriental.
This has become the standard medium Latakia mixture by which others in this class are judged, though Dunhill's London Mixture is quite as valid, and Greg Pease's Westminster is better.

Dunhill Nightcap -- full Latakia mixture.
Pretty wonderful stuff. May get you killed. Worth it. The recipe has changed since the seventies.

Dunhill Ready Rubbed -- Virginia, and a little Burley.
The leaf was grown in Africa and India. Some people mistakenly detect Turkish. It's an unassuming and pleasant product, which will not impress you on first smoke, but once you have finished the tin you will wish you bought more.

Erinmore Flake -- bizarre fruit fragrance flake.
Bragging rights and nightmares are the only reason.
I have a year's worth stockpiled.
Sick.

Esoterica Penzance -- full-press Latakia crumble.
A cult tobacco, reminiscent of the old Bengal slices. The perfect smoke just before dawn, but some people fetishize it ridiculously, and as soon as Arango has received a shipment from Jersey they start calling up every tobacconist they know and making nuisances of themselves.
It is an over-rated must-have.

Esoterica Stonehaven -- Burley & Virginia flake.
Cult tobacco, again. Why?!?

Germain & Son Brown Flake OR Medium Flake.
Both are classic Virginias which you should acquire whenever you see them in the United States. Incense-like tobacco.

GLP Haddo's Delight -- Virginias and aircured stuff.
Smells wonderful when someone else is smoking it. A cult tobacco.

GLP Regents Flake -- Virginia and Turkish.
There was a sample tin from the sales rep. Which I pocketed because it's lovely stuff. Finished that over a year ago, and persuaded the local store to stock more of it. Some of which I now have stashed.

GLP Stonehenge Flake -- Virginias, Perique.
Grassy and creamy Virginia - Burley - Perique compound, top notch.

GLP Union Square -- Virginia Flake.
If you don't like Latakia, this is the best thing Greg has ever done.

GLP Westminster -- medium full Latakia.
If you like Latakia, this is the best thing Greg has ever done.
Very old-fashioned. What a tobacco should be.

Half and Half -- aircured and fluecured.
A decent smoke can be coaxed out of this in a cob.

McClelland No. 5100 Red Cake - Virginia.
The classic red Virginia to judge other red Virginias by. Solid, respectable, and altogether pretty good.

McConnell's Folded Flake -- Virginia and Perique.
People tend to ignore this, but it's a very nice product.
I found several ten-year old tins.

Orlick's Golden Sliced -- thin Virginia flakes.
A solid regular tobacco, the choice of all shrewd judges.

Peter Stokkebye Luxury Bullseye -- sliced coin.
A very respectable and satisfying staple at most tobacconists, and an excellent fall-back position.

Peter Stokkebye Balkan Supreme -- bulk Oriental.
Also a staple, or it should be. One of the very best bulk blends.

Peterson Irish Flake -- dark flake.
Smells lovely in the tin. Strong. I hesitate to open it because it wallops me. What aftershave should smell like.

Peterson's Perfect Plug -- block.
Men or women who smoke this habitually have issues.
That aside, it is a solid product.
Educational.

Rattray Red Rapparee -- medium Oriental.
Solid stuff. One can understand how Rattray became so well-known. In the seventies and eighties it was manufactured by McConnell, now it is made by Orlick for Kohlhase & Kopp.

RLP 6 -- slighty fruity Medium Cav. mixture.
Like 1Q, it is on every list, and shares with that crap the distinction of being incredibly popular.

St. Bruno Flake -- firecured leaf and Virginia, topped.
A tobacco for elderly fuddy-duddies with only a modicum of depravity and bad taste. Smokes well, enjoyable, rather monodimensional.
By the third tin you will need a vacation.

Samuel Gawith Full Virginia Flake.
Solid stuff. Needs drying after rubbing out a supply. Very satisfying. If you like this, the Best Brown and the Golden Glow will also please you.

Samuel Gawith Squadron Leader -- medium Oriental.
If you were somewhere where this, and only this, were available, you'd be in a mighty fine place. Don't leave.

Samuel Gawith 1792 Flake -- Good lord!
Assertively flavoured with tonquin, this smells like your elderly maiden aunt. It's good, in a questionable sort of way. Most people find it peculiar.

Solomon's Presbyterian Mixture - Orientals.
You are a degenerate and you do not mind others knowing that. Your wife or apartment mate may harbour evil intent towards you. Go smoke near the ruined church with the weasels and hobos.
Good stuff. Stinky.

Sutliff Molto Dolce -- aromatic and eternally moist.
This is mummified tobacco that does not dry. A disgusting experience.
It is the best example of what a smoking mixture should never be.
Popular among neckbeards and mamma's boys.

Sutliff Mixture 79 -- Burley, urinal disc.
Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, and even Hugh Heffner smoked this. The last time I tried it, it ruined my mouth for the rest of day.
Sock drawer bug repellant.

1Q -- medium Cavendish mixture with caramel.
This is shit tobacco, but available everywhere under different names, and while it's basically crap, repulsive and odious, it is not too bad. Though it does lead to insanity.



Over the weekend I did a few bowls of Penzance from my gloat-stash ("ha ha, I have it and you don't"), but nightcap is much more fun.

[A previous essay mentioning Penzance indirectly taught me the meaning of 'neckbeard'. Regarding aros, what I wrote about McClelland's Honeydew is still valid.]

I honestly do not understand why Penzance is a must-have. Blakeney's Best Latakia Flake (by McClelland) is just as good, and reminds me more of the old Bengal Slices. And it goes very well with a glass of Oloroso. Some of Greg Pease's pressed Latakia mixtures are better by far, and MacBaren's HH Latakia Flake is damned well perfume-candy-incense in the pressed Latakia compounds category, intoxicating and musk-like.
All of these smell like heaven.


"J'adore l'arôme unique de Clan ... "

In a world where women exclaim that the smell of Clan Pipe Tobacco (now made by STG) makes them, like, totally lubricious, it stands to reason that aromatic garbage is the largest category of smoking mixture available.
Such women are sluts, their pipe-men depraved.
Or vice versa.

TOBACCO INDEX


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