TWO COMPUTERS, ONE TEEVEE, A LARGE PENGUIN, AND FOUR MONKEYS, PLUS MUCH ELSE

The modern family cruises the internet separately on their cell phones while dining together, much like in the old days they would watch teevee and make occasional inane remarks during commercials, while slowly increasing their chances of diabetes and a heart attack.
Frozen dinners and soda.


My apartment mate is old-fashioned. When she eats at home the idiot box is on. White people misbehaving; always entertaining and educational.


I must be quite a disappointment, because I do not misbehave.


And unlike her, I hardly even talk back at the television.


Fortunately the stuffed animals take up the slack, being a rambunctious and rowdy bunch of anarchists, stirring up trouble and causing riots in her room, my room, and the room with the computers and television set. They are as boneheaded and chaotic than any number of rude white people, and often try our patience. She says it is because they crave my attention, and only act up when I am around. But I have noticed that they don't say anything and usually just lay around when she is out.

The other day I came home and found a monkey on my bed clutching a bottle of wine. This is a problem, because the only member of the household who drinks is me, and a bottle of wine is too much for one person. The furballs never touch the stuff. And my apartment mate's alcoholic indulgence is a teaspoon of Grand Marnier in her warm milk at night to help her sleep, maybe once every two or three weeks.


The small roomies do not drink coffee either.

Thank heavens for small favours.


As a person of Cantonese ancestry, she is naturally awake and somewhat shit-disturbing, and given to wild ideas, good lord, and I being a Caucasian, rely on stimulating beverages to live life to the fullest. This keeps me one step ahead of my apartment mate and the various critters.

Whenever she has an extra day off, coinciding with one of mine, the total experience is frightening. There are many voices in this apartment.
Some of them stating very extreme points of view.

I am a saintly and tolerant man.

It is remarkable.



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