YOU ARE UNORIGINAL, AND THOSE SHORTS LOOK SILLY!

Some people just don't deserve the good cigars. Their judgment is questionable, their tastes perverse, and their moral fibre dubious.
They intend to vote for Trump.

I like him, because his dog has a wonderful personality. That reflects well on the man, but he's not, strictly speaking, firmly moored in reality. I hope the dog keeps him out of trouble. Should give the dog the vote, as well as a credit card of its own.

The dog, unfortunately, does not smoke.


Far too many cigar-smokers of my acquaintance are Trumplodytes, or out and out batshit crazy. It seems like the moment they light up that big phallic symbol, their brain takes a back seat, and only serves to co-ordinate the various operative parts of their anatomy. Sometimes one is left wondering whether the thought that came out of their mouth originated in the testicles, or that little wrinkled hairy wet spot right underneath, where the jock itch is starting to eat its way upward.


I would like to say that pipe smokers are not like that, being a pipe smoker myself, but given that the majority of them habitually huff ghastly aromatic crap -- eighty percent of the pipe tobacco sold worldwide is cheap perfumed dreck, in the United States what most of them smoke is 1-Q, BCA, or Captain Black -- that argument cannot be supported.


So I am left with only ONE possible conclusion:

EIGHTY PERCENT OF THE PEOPLE ARE NOT UP TO SNUFF!

A horrible situation. If you lot are going to share my world, y'all need to shape up. Get your minds out of the trailer park, and eventually your bodies may follow. Do a crossword puzzle occasionally to stay limber. Try learning something new everyday, and study a little bit of real science.
Eat something that does not include bacon and cheese.
Lay off the coffee; you won't talk as much.
Maybe even think before you speak.

Turn off your teevees.



And if you ARE going to smoke a pipe, for crapsakes do NOT fall for an aromatic mixture. Anything that identifies itself with the words 'cavendish', 'tropical', 'vanilla', 'caramel', 'honey dew', 'hazelnut', 'very cherry', 'mango', 'chocolate', 'black forest', 'maple', 'peaches and cream', 'buttered rum', 'heather honey surprise', 'pumpin spice', 'watermelon', or "prepare for an exotic taste of heaven", should not be in your pipes or your life.

Even if you have married a tacky blonde with Hello Kitty tastes.

Learn these words: bright Virginia, red Virginia, brown Virginia, toasted Virginia, black stoved Virginia, Kentucky fire-cured, unflavoured Burley ribbon, Perique, Turkish, Oriental leaf, Latakia, Maryland, flake, and Donald Trump is a rancid caveman with a dead ferret on his brow.


Life will be better.




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