At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Wednesday, September 07, 2016


An in-flight magazine for Air China made waves by including a safety warning for its passengers that stated the following: "London is generally a safe place to travel, however precautions are needed when entering areas mainly populated by Indians, Pakistanis and black people. We advise tourists not to go out alone at night, and females always to be accompanied by another person when travelling."

[SOURCE: Air China magazine - BBC.]

People are outraged. Outraged!

"Indians, Pakistanis and black people"

Where the heck is the Oxford comma?!?

Oh, wait. That's not the issue.

What they should have said is this:

"London is a festering dump and has numerous extremely unsafe areas you had best avoid, including Peckham, Brixton, Tottenham, Edmonton, Hackney, Croydon, Stockwell, Tulse Hill, Custom House, Grahame Park, Barking, Church Road, South Killburne, Harlesden, Basildon, Lewisham, Thornton Heath, and anywhere near the BBC Studios and the Houses of Parliament."

"In addition to numerous unintelligible oafs, louts, and yobbos, drunken Englishmen will take offense if you don't speak like them, and feel an urge to inflict violence upon you. Women should be advised that rape culture is strong at all levels of British society. Come to think of it, men should be advised of that as well. The only souvenir some people take home from a trip to London is severe mental trauma and festering sores."

"Avoid the place as much as you can, and land in London ONLY because there is a connecting flight to Frankfurt."

That last is not strictly true, of course. There are many nice places in England to visit, reachable by train from London. Canterbury, Exeter, Oxford, and others. Scotland is also an option (avoid Glasgow).
And the lake country is lovely.

The only worthwhile souvenirs are marmalade, Branston Pickle Relish, Jane Austen novels, and a briar pipe.
Dunhill is not nearly as good as it once was on that score, Charatan has been buggered up, and the following are now merely brandnames under the Cadogan banner: BBB, Comoys, and GBD.

If you do eat a traditional British fry-up (not advised), be sure to also order salad (saang choi: 生菜, 又名萵菜), yauchoi (油菜), and gailan (芥蘭); this will alleviate symptoms of peptic distress considerably.

Enjoy your trip!

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


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