THE TRUTH SOMETIMES DISAPPOINTS

The ex-girlfriend has for many years referred to me as "The Old Cooz".
I assumed it was a fond mishmash of 'coot', 'cuss', 'codger', and also a reference, perhaps, to 'Koozebane', a planet featured occassionally on the Muppet Show, in the Pigs In Space segments.
It sounds friendly, affectionate.


My ex is a very innocent woman.


I myself did not know what 'cooz' meant until earlier this week. I am by no means an innocent woman, but I could be.

Apparently, cooz is something incredibly unprintable.

According to the Urban Dictionary.

No relation to coot.


No, I shall not inform my ex what 'cooz' means. As I said, she is a very innocent woman. Instead, I will let her remain ignorant of the real meaning of 'cooz', and think instead that it's a softened version of 'coot' which she invented.


She also calls me 'Toad', affectionately 'Toadie'. Or 'Toadie-blatt'.

According to the Urban Dictionary, toad is a "derogatory term for the African American, often used in prison." Also: "a new drug craze, "toad" is slang for the Colombian spotted toad. When licked, the toads give a euphoria that's ... that's just great. Side effects include chills all through your body, and loss of control of your bladder and your sphincter."


Now I happen to know that it's after Mr. Toad in Wind In The Willows, which is one of her favourite books. It is also one of my favourites. She saw similarities of behaviour between me and that estimable fellow.

Estimable?

Why yes!

"The world has held great heroes,
As history-books have showed;
But never a name to go down to fame,
Compared with that of Toad!
The clever men at Oxford,
Know all that there is to be knowed;
But none of them know half as much,
As intelligent Mr Toad!"

Mr. Toad is a talented and inventive fellow, and almost qualifies as a Renaissance man. But not very good with vehicles.
Despite his boundless enthusiasm.
An admirable amphibian.


She also loves Kermit The Frog.


Still. Cooz.





AFTER WORD

She was also all excited by the Swedish Pancakes at Sears Fine Foods, tiny and delicate, oooh! Precious little pancakes! Until she found out that they tasted like ... pancakes. That's it. Just pancakes.
Nothing different! So disappointing!
Waaaa.



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