UNEMOTIONAL, AND STUPIDLY HUMOURLESS

Anyone who frequents Facebook has seen the various "tests" that start off with "can we guess your dot dot dot with just twenty questions?" No, they aren't based on actual research and science, they're there so you spend a lot of time with advertisements on the edges of your screen, then post the results, and thus tempt others who are rather like you to do the same.


The test results aren't entirely wrong, though.

Example A: I am 27 and male. Great job, awesome friends, and staying optimistic.
[Age and gender test.]

Example B: Left brain 67%, right brain 33%. Rational and inclined towards order.
[Which side of brain test.]


Translation: immature, antagonistic towards the creative lifestyle, out of touch with my feelings, but not quite an emotional douchebag.

Yes, I can see myself in that.


The same source also reliably informs me that I am "a part time romantic".

["You know exactly how and when to be romantic to get exactly what you want! And you always manage to do it just right and your partner appreciates it very much. Kitschy is not for you and so you try and convince people with your other charms and that is what makes you irreplaceable for your partner and your friends. You spend a lot of time thinking about your loved ones ..."]

Naturally, some of the results are startling, to say the least.


CITE: Today's kids would call you: homie!
Yo homie, what's up? You are a real homie, if you listen to hip hop music, wear baggy pants, XXL shirts and a baseball cap. This doesn't sound like your style of clothing? Don't worry – homie can also simply mean “friend”.
[End cite]

Well that's a complete crock of horsefeathers.


Let's try it again.

CITE: Your understanding of the human psyche is: Precise
You know the human psyche in all of its details, you know the history of psychology and the current status. You follow the issues of the day, because even your personal interests lie in this area. You're always grateful for more information about the human spirit, because this can explain the world.
[End cite]

Yeah. No.


Last one.

CITE: You're female and in your mid-20s!
It seems that you are: 1. Female 2. In your twenties, single and trying to make sure your new-found job and your long-standing social life don't collide. 3. Clever, organized, funny and imaginative. 4. Have dark hair and eyes. 5. Have some form of pet. (Yes, your roommate still counts).
[End cite]


The only accuracy in this is "single", with an "apartment mate".

Male, middle-aged, and a rather Spartan social life.
Pipe smoker, freshly bathed, airing out.
Soon heading off for tea.




Looking forward to some tasty baked Portuguese chicken rice within the hour. With a cup of gong-sik naai cha (港式奶茶). Then a stroll around Chinatown with a pipe in my mouth and a smile in my heart.
No smile on my face, because that attracts the loonies.




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