PUNCH HER IN THE COOTER, AND TELL HER CARLA SENT YOU

Thank to an impressive viral video about McRib sandwiches, this blogger has finally learned what a cooter is. How have I survived this long without this knowledge?

Actually, I have known what it is since my single digits, but not that it was also called a "cooter", which I heretofore had assumed to be an appropriate nickname for Bubba and Daisy-Sue's sibling or offspring.

Calling it a 'cooter' seems a bit raw. Whether or not it's linked rhetorically to a delicious McRib sandwich and a soda for six dollars and fifty eight cents at the late-night McDonalds on Dorsett.


"Shirlene and Carla and Dr. Pepper? Why yes, thank you, me and the Cooter will indeed enjoy a refreshment!"


A cooter is not only a puki, but also a large freshwater turtle common in the South, which makes 'The Great American Cooter Festival' held yearly in Inverness, Florida, a fully understandable concept. No, they aren't celebrating that other thing. Rather a pity.


Cooters are edible. No jokes, please. Just shut up and eat your cooter.


COOTER SOUP

One large cooter.
Two large onions.
Two or three sticks of celery.
Half a cup sherry.
One Tbs Worcestershire sauce.
One Tsp. peppercorns.
One Tsp. allspice berries.
One Tsp. whole clove.
Ginger and garlic if desired.


Use a machete or an axe to behead the cooter, and let it stand neck down to drain. Then put the beast in boiling water for about twenty minutes. Remove, cool, separate the shell, cut out and trim, discarding the innards and skin. Rinse, and place the meaty parts (with bone) in a cauldron, well covered with water or superior stock. Add the onion, celery, and whole spices, plus the garlic and ginger if you are using such. Simmer for about three hours, then remove the turtle parts and separate the meat from the bone. Strain the stock, and put the meat back in. Add the sherry and Worcestershire at this point, and augment the soup with potato chunks and tomato puree if you think it desirable to do so.
Simmer for about another half hour.

Thicken with a dark roux as appropriate, and bear in mind that fried smoky bacon is a great addition, as it is with so many other soups, stews, and sloppy messes.

What you should have is a delicious dish that can be eaten like a soup or spooned over rice, sufficient for four people. One large cooter yields about two to three pounds of usable meat.

Garnish with parsley or cilantro, and have hotsauce on the table.



Always handle the cooter carefully, and beware the bastard doesn't bite your fingers off when preparing him for the pot.
Cooters can be quite vicious.

Cooters can also be kept as pets, but why would you want to?
Make sure that your cooter has access to water if you do.

Small cooters (小龜) are sometimes available at the wet markets along Stockton Street, as many Chinese like cooter.



[From Wikipedia, Ryan Somma http://www.flickr.com/photos/ideonexus/ - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ideonexus/3415162308/ ]

Cooters are lovely.


Given a choice between McRib and cooter, no one in their right mind would choose McRib. That just wouldn't make any sense at all.



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