LETTING THE LIZARDS SPEAK

A reader who cropped up in the past few months poses an interesting question. Zebra Chick wrote: "Not to bother you or anything, but could you please write your post responding to my smoking question? You were so helpful last time, when I needed it for class, and, as they say in Oliver Twist: 'Please, sir, I want some more.' Not that it's urgent or anything, since I'm not going to smoke until I'm eighteen, lol lol. ;-) Thanks so much."

Far be it from me to advise the underaged demographic about tobacco. That way lies madness. Besides which, I know nothing about Zebra Chick, she might be a Federal Agent trying to entrap me.

Adult men, especially pipe-smokers, should never lead tender young morsels down the primrose path.

Well, possibly excepting this:


"I'm here to deliver all of you as sex-slaves to the Lizard People."

[That purpose and objective first mentioned here: FAQs - twenty questions.]


Beware my flickety tongue.

Underaged persons should neither smoke nor have sex. In fact, despite my own proclivities and disreputable past, I firmly believe that young people should not smoke, drink, do any drugs, nor engage in sexual behaviour until they are in their mid twenties. They really cannot handle anything depraved before then, and even listening to Rock & Roll frequently proves far too enervating.

Delicate flowers; they aren't as strong and butch as we were then.


Such scandalous risk-taking nowadays leads to tattoos and piercings, as well as dyed hair and bad clothing choices.


The moment they are twenty-six, however, watch out. They'll light up, take a swig, and bang each other silly. Repression in early adulthood leads to rewarding excess once they've gotten their PHD.


Until then, cold showers, healthy eating, fruit juices, sensible and soundly constructed brassieres, and invigoration games of basket ball or volley ball (and now you know why sensible and soundly constructed brassieres are so desirable: less destabilizing bouncing around, and a far smaller chance of raw nipples).


This blogger heartily endorses cold showers, healthy eating, fruit juices, sensible and soundly constructed brassieres, and invigorating games of basket ball or volley ball, and feels incredibly sad for the frazzled melons of young ladies who are far too "healthy".


Nice breasts are like a brother to me.
I feel for them profoundly.


Chafed nipples can be a bitch. Trust me on this. I am a middle-aged and filthy-minded old reptile, I know things!


Plus I woke up this morning obsessed.


Gotta wait for the caffeine to hit before things return to normal. At which point I shall light up a pipe and calm the heck down.


Perhaps I need a cold shower.




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