At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Friday, September 13, 2013


First the Scots, Australians, and New Zealanders, now also the English. What I'm talking about is singular expression of a lack of social graces and societal isolation leading to behavioural patterns which are not conducive to maximum interpersonal dynamics. No, I'm not going to change that sentence into plain English; let it stand as is. It expresses the concept with admirable inexplicity.

From the BBC, we learn that a gentleman (mr. Robert Newman) in Wiltshire, England, recently committed an act of physical congress with a goat.

His attorney (Anne Ellery) asserted that said act was a "symptom of isolation rather than depravity".


Quite naturally, upon reading that news item was my first thought was of the Japanese. Specifically, their development of robotic companions for humans.


"Japanese engineers have invented a female robot that can blink, respond to the eye contact, and recognize body language. Osaka University's robotics engineers have created a new romantic companion for humans.

The female robot is called Geminoid F and it looks like a Eurasian female. The robot has soft feminine features, brown hair and eyes and beautiful pink cheeks."

End cite.


I am as much a believer in expanding man's horizons as anyone, but the concept of robotic love goats is beyond even me. I cannot express the mental twists it takes to imagine mechanical goats, with natural feeling fur or hair, pliable joints, and realistic expressions, that would be suitable for sale in the country districts of Scotland, Australia, New Zealand, and Wiltshire.
It is something I am unable to formulate, I lack the intellectual capacity.
Nimble machines with plastic, rubber, foam, horns, and soft artificial fur (wool?) over a clever mechanical structure of gears, cogs, wheels, and complex microcircuitry, with the appropriate preprogrammed computerized responses -- and enough reactional randomness built in for a semblance of realism -- the sole function of which is to provide romantic companionship for healthy young men suffering from symptoms of isolation...........
N o, words utterly fail me.

The device should be calibrated to maintain a constant temperature of 98.6 degrees, or fractionally warmer.
That's very important.

Never-the-less, I am certain that thanks to our alien overlords Japanese scientists, the pub-scene in large parts of the English-speaking world may soon be quite different. Single men will no longer be embarrassed by their lack of arm-candy on Saturday night, and even the clubs south of Market Street in San Francisco will be enlivened. The economic implications alone are staggering.
I expect we'll see goats everywhere. They're easy to feed, too. Batteries.

The term "performance anxiety" means something else now.

All of this cannot happen soon enough.

Wiltshire is the test-market.

They need prototypes.

Make it happen.

Baa. Baa.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


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