At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

DANES, DARKNESS, DEPRAVITY

Two weeks ago I purchased a tin of Mac Baren's Old Dark Fired. The tin blurb frightened me off, initially, as it promised "a bold flake of dark-fired burleys in a well balanced unity with Flue-cured Virginias."
Sounds simple, and somewhat threatening.
Nicotine mania.

Burley has a high nick content, Virginias are medium-high.

Blithely, as if all was well with the world, the tin blurb continued: "this flake is Hot Pressed, meaning that during the pressing, heat is added by steam to the tobaccos which causes the tobacco to intensify the marrying process giving us a bolder tobacco."

Being a bachelor going on four years now, an intensified marrying process is not what I'm about. Television shows like 'Bridezilla' give me the willies, and the typical white wedding with orchids and groomsmen and bridesmaids wearing lilac makes my gorge rise.
Frankly, the American fascination with train wrecks is obscene, and no amount of envious feeling regarding two young people making the social mistake of their lives diminishes the nausea that big vulgar affairs like precisely that engender.
Affairs should always be small, discreet.
NEVER let her parents know.
I digress.

Bugger marriage, it's for Hello Kitty.

The tin blurb ends with: "the robust, earthy flavour of the dark-fired burleys shines through in the taste, and you will experience a deeply satisfying smoke indeed."

Sounds much better. She got out of her virginal whites and put on an old pair of dungarees. Now she's ploughing the field out back.
The appeal of that image melted my resistance.
Bronzed girly biceps and ruddy cheeks.
It is indeed deeply satisfying.
I've bought more tins.

Just to be fair in my estimation of this delightful Danish farmer's daughter, it behooved me to do a comparative tasting of two other similar products: Peterson's Irish Flake, and Samuel Gawith's Bracken Flake.
Both are considered nicotine bullies.

All three products are reviewed below.


HH OLD DARK FIRED
By Mac Baren Tobacco.

A rich and fecund reek as soon as you open the tin, and neat narrow strips of dark flake are presented to view once you peal back the gold foil. This stuff smells luscious.
A little rubbing to render it suitable for the pipe, a slight dry, then stuff and light up.
It is surprisingly mild. Easy on the tongue, renders down without complaint to a fine powdery ash, which is pale grey-white. It is such an easy smoke that one finds oneself reaching for the tin several times a day, rather than dimsumming one's way through the smorgasbord on top of the books near the bed.

Soon I'll have to crack another tin.


IRISH FLAKE
Made exclusively for Peterson of Dublin.

Those damned Irishmen have hair growing inside their mouths, and this blogger is more aware than ever of his own balls. Or is that my own mortality? I'm presently on the floor. And quite naked.

I bought over four dozen tins of this stuff back in 2008. This is the first tin that I've opened in ages. I had forgotten that it left me weeping for my mommy five years ago July.

Normally I do not review tobacco while in my birthday suit; it isn't dignified. This nicely matured dark flake smells like a superior aftershave: profoundly masculine and butch. I'm used to strong tobaccos, but this stuff is for truck drivers.
Enjoyable, though. Just not something for every week. It may take a while before this tin is finished.


BRACKEN FLAKE - RICH & DARK
A product of the House of Samuel Gawith & Co.

A tin from 2010. Stinky and rich, like a peat bog. Good thing I'm naked.

Approach this flake, and the nudist smoking it, with caution.

This is remarkably smooth and sweet-tempered for such a complex and disturbed tobacco. Rich, musty, earthy, and rather unpleasant at first whiff of an adventurous nose over the open tin. It reminds me of my gym bag decades ago at high school. After an entire week of sitting in the locker.
But it improves. No, the tin odour never ends up smelling like roses. However it is beguiling stuff to smoke. It has a wonderful velvety mouthfeel that seems sweeter than it is, mesmerizing and therapeutic. Probably not a good tobacco before breakfast, but I don't really care.
The world seems sunnier while smoking this.
It has a goodly nicotine whompus.
I think I'll remain nude.
Itzsscomfy!


AFTERTHOUGHTS

Quite likely all three tobaccos are topped, in the case of the Gawith near-definitely so. Not unlike St. Bruno, and similar blends.

The Mac Baren product is the most girlish of the three, almost innocent and maidenly. A very nice smoke.
The Gawith is a bit more knowing, but remarkably clean. A stout woman of sensible sexual habits.
The Peterson is a flirtation with someone who may have whips.
You might not want to go home with her.

No, I do not regret acquiring so many tins of the Peterson flake. It's a good product despite being a hairy dangerous old fruit, and in a few more years I may wish to get naked again.
Except this time, I'll eat breakfast first.
Depravity requires a sound meal.

I've got enough Gawith of various types to last me a very long time. It gives me a feeling of profound satisfaction to know that. Several tins of Bracken.

The HH Mac Baren Old Dark Fired is lovely stuff.
I shall smoke it fairly often going forward.
Probably several 100 Gr. tins a year.
Thank you, Danish freaks.
I like your sister.




TOBACCO INDEX


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7 Comments:

  • At 2:53 PM, Anonymous e-kvetcher said…

    Speaking of depravity

     
  • At 5:32 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    URK!

     
  • At 7:32 PM, Anonymous e-kvetcher said…

    Urk??

     
  • At 7:44 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Not that 'urk',
    Errrk!
    The sound of startled (or intrigued) frog.

    Such as one seeing depravity for the first time.
    Or visiting the Noordoost Polder.

     
  • At 10:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "The sound of startled (or intrigued) frog"

    Perhaps this frog?

     
  • At 10:58 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    No, he's indignant. He has objections to the depravity he's just seen. Strong objections.
    Appalled, but not surprised.

    Apparently, frogs sound indignant a lot.

     
  • At 1:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You are a very queer sort. And, I imagine, not unlike a frog.

     

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