WITHERED AND HAIRLESS

"Nothing to see here, just move along."

In the first years that Savage Kitten and I were together, there must have been several strong indications that I was not the succesful Cantonese-American Dentist With Real-Estate Holdings that she had been programmed to marry.

One of those indications could have been the building in which I lived. And the other tenants.

Such as Rufus.

Rufus spent his days sitting on the Kearny Street Steps engaging passers-by. He would smile sweetly at you, and nod you over, and when you had ventured close enough he would spring one of his four patented phrases on you.


"Got a quarter?" "Buy me some ripple!" "Got a cigarette?" "Get me a burger!"


It wasn't certain that these conversational gambits were ever succesful, but as ice-breakers they were sure-fire, and along with that brilliant smile probably guaranteed him a rich social life.

Burgers, Ripple, smokes, and quarters - fit subjects for conversation, and one way to spend your declining years.
There is much charm to that retirement scheme.

One day Savage Kitten and I entered the building and discovered Rufus on the stairs ahead of us, having severe logistical problems with his pants. A failure to use a belt had proved his undoing, and the result presented a most educational view.
He smilingly motioned us to pass him and just go on ahead. Which, averting our eyes and stepping around him gingerly, we did.

Evenso, the image of elderly nekkid dangle-bits burned itself onto our retinas.

I think at that point Savage Kitten realized that while the Toad might not be introduceable to her kinfolk (not being Cantonese, or a dentist), his environs supplied an exciting quotient of 'theatre'. That has probably helped keep the relationship solid all these years. Some people are accident prone, the Toad is 'entertainment' prone.
I flatter myself that life with me is not boring.
Many things, but not boring.
[Don't worry, I shan't break into song now.]


THOUGHTS ABOUT THE WATTLEY PARTS OF OLD PEOPLE

I am glad that Rufus decided not to include a pants-disaster into his conversational rotation. Once was quite enough.
[Now, had it been a juicy fifteen-year old, it would have borne repeating.]


The wattley parts of old folks are the opposite of enchanting. We probably already knew that, as an abstract intellectual concept. It was good to have it made clear. Exemplarily demonstrated. But it requires no repeating.
There is no further need to exhibit such desiccated wreckage.
I am still traumatized. I understand now, and it is not something I really need to see again. Thank you.
So much.

Anyhow, she and I were watching television last night.
At some point in the show, an elderly Russian woman decided to undress in a police station.

Then pranced around, and tried to attract the attention of a policeman.


Which prompted one of the most cogent remarks I've ever heard Savage Kitten make:


"There's nothing sadder than old snatch"


I'm sure she's right. But I would much rather not think about it.