At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

CHRISTIAN ANTI-SMOKER?

One morning years ago I was walking to work with a cheroot in my mouth. A woman coming the other direction screamed at me "thank you SO MUCH for ruining my lungs, a**hole!".


You are very welcome, ma'am.


I refrained from pointing out to the poor dear that three lanes of slow moving traffic was doing infinitely more damage to her lungs than my humble effort.
I was glad to claim the credit, you see.


This morning, while I outside the office building having a modest puff, a middle-aged woman coming down the sidewalk noticed me and my cheroot. She nearly jumped into the street to avoid the fumes, exclaiming 'Jesus' in a manner that left no doubt that she thought me evil and repulsive.

Again, three lanes of slow moving traffic.

Now, were I not such a nice fellow, a veritable prince among men, absolutely SODDEN with the milk of human kindness and a deeply compassionate attitude that serves as a shining example to thousands, then I would've followed her down the street puffing clouds of tobacco smoke at her.
It is, after all, a public sidewalk. Next to three lanes of slow moving traffic. And clearly her horrid attitude defeated whatever shred of brainpower she may have had.
Stupid sow, there's three lanes of SLOW. MOVING. TRAFFIC!


What is it with these people? They've chased us out of the restaurants and office buildings, banned us from parks and bus shelters, and added tax upon tax to our pleasant little habit. Perhaps that is understandable, for all the well-known alleged health reasons and supposed benefits to the general public. So we have accepted their dictat. And we go outside to enjoy our little vice.
Next to three lanes of slow moving traffic.

It's not enough, is it? Some people would prefer that we actually stood in the bus lane, or in a tight row down the centre divider in between the cars. Instead of on a sidewalk.
Next to three lanes of slow moving traffic.

Well, smoking on the sidewalk (next to three lanes of slow moving traffic) is NOT illegal yet. And you, ma'am, can go inside and enjoy your smoke-free office environment. So perhaps the next time you exclaim 'Jesus" in that hideously offended manner, I will follow your slow-moving posterior down the street, puffing dense clouds at you. For several blocks. Because you deserve it. You are a horrible person. You need to get over yourself.
And I really do wish nausea and bad odours upon you.


Not today though. This cheroot is too precious, and you are really not worth my time. Not while I am enjoying the delicate fragrance of fine Sumatra and Java leaf.
On such a lovely morning, next to three lanes of slow moving traffic.


TOBACCO INDEX

Labels:

7 Comments:

  • At 6:51 PM, Blogger Kylopod said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     
  • At 6:53 PM, Blogger Kylopod said…

    well-known alleged health reasonsDe Nile ain't just....

     
  • At 6:53 PM, Blogger Kylopod said…

    All right, why is the Return key not showing up in my posts?

     
  • At 10:36 PM, Blogger Spiros said…

    Why Jesus?

     
  • At 1:36 PM, Blogger therapydoc said…

    I found you cruising IsraelForum blogs. You'll never hear the end of it, is the truth, the smoking, and most people mean well. But calling you names, swearing at you. Just like kicking the dog, probably. Feels good to them.

     
  • At 4:55 PM, Blogger Spiros said…

    People who "mean well" while being rude, unreasonable, and down-right narrow minded? Fuck 'em and feed 'em froot loops.

     
  • At 11:24 PM, Blogger Bob said…

    A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

    Bob

     

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

 
Newer›  ‹Older