FERMENTED CABBAGE

You naturally understand my satisfaction at not being around all those crusty old reactionary monsters five days a week. Especially when I mention that examples of their meanspiritness abound, and evidence of any basic humanity from them is quite inconsiderable. So you may be surprised when I say that they need an easy to understand book or pamphlet on personal grooming and cleanliness, and with astounding generosity I very well might write it for them.
I propose to devote an entire chapter to fungal infection ointment and its role in preventing both crotch rot and athlete's foot. Plus a fold-out diagram on toilet paper, its use and benefit. Scalp ointment for bald men with flaky skin and a tendency towards repulsive scabbing.
Brushing one's teeth as well as one's collar. The politeness of flushing.

I suspect that if I did write it, it would be a bestseller. Not only as an entertaining read on long airplane flights, but a suitable gift to women married to certain dessicated old bastards, as well as staffmembers of Florida retirement homes.

Actually, on second thought, maybe I should just arrange to have their favourite chairs placed on steep hillsides. With them sitting in them. Which would be very Christian.


Downhill sledding is a very popular past time. You remember back in the old country how happy you were with a tobogan in winter, or ski jumping during school break.
Oh, the joyfilled childlike excitement!

Are there piranhas in that lake? Sharks? Is it deep and cold?

When the game is on they are in rare form. Gibbering and drooling, as well as revelling in the sheer nastiness of which they are capable. Insults, calumny, and frat boy humour.

As good a reason to hate American sportsfans as any.

Sunday is always a television day.



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