ALL THE ANSWERS

Someone asked, several years ago, "what are Cantonese women like in bed?" To which the complete answer is as follows: Anywhere between eighty and one hundred and fifty pounds (36 - 64 Kg), depending on height or length, physical build, and percent body fat, 98 degrees or slightly more, and probably wearing comfy pajamas unless it's in the subtropics (like Hong Kong, for instance), in which case it might be a thin tee-shirt and panties. Given the weather in San Francisco at present, it's more likely to be jammies.
Smells like good soap. Faintly.

"What are Cantonese women like in bed?"

Based on actual research (I took a peek into my apartment mate's room last night), they are ensconced among stuffed creatures, and reading trashy fiction. True crime, I think.

Average age probably anywhere in their forties or fifties.

As a lagniappe, I should mention that there is a pair of pale blue panties, women's size small or petite, hanging in the bathroom, that she washed in the little plastic basin. The panties are a periwinkle or pale light blue colour. Thin white edging.

Cantonese women have small hands.

It is still incredibly hurtful that no one ever asked the question "what are middle-aged Dutch American men like in bed?" Which seems a lot more interesting, or in any case much more germaine to me. Middle-aged Dutch American men wear warm pajama pants and a tee-shirt, and have a few fuzzy friends and a tonne of books to the right of them in the unused portion of the bed. Including dictionaries. There are also a few unopened tins of pipe tobacco there, for which I haven't made room on the bookshelves yet. As well as a magnifying glass, because sometimes one needs to see the exact strokes of a Chinese character in a volume whose publishers (idiots!) incorrectly assumed that everyone had the eye sight of a teenager, damned small print (turned out to be twenty seven strokes, listed under the meat radical in the dictionary). Body tempereture probably fractionally less than a Cantonese woman, the weight somewhat more. Smells a bit like aged Virginia flakes.


Dutch American men are utterly exceptional and fascinating in bed. Often asleep. See how peaceful he looks! Like a little angel. Well, a fully mature angel. The claws, the teeth, the spiny ridge along the back. That bewitching irridescence!

The eyes that follow you around the room.

Sorry, what was the question?



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