GWYNETH PALTROW, AS 'DEHUMANLY' AS SHE CAN BE

There are times when you think someone can't possibly get any weirder. For instance, the elderly man in Marin who rolls around on the grass outside during warm weather moaning about the state of the universe and accusing someone of "psychically" stealing his credit card, or the repulsive Irish immigrant saying that Donald Trump is as good a Christian as it gets.
"No", you think, "that's it; there's nothing more looped".
Their loopy goes all the way up to eleven now.
Gratiutous Spinal Tap reference.
It's appropriate.


"Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?"


Gwyneth Paltrow, internet marketeer and one-time mediocre performance person, sells crystals. Among many other useless things.

Quote from Goop.com:

"Also known as the Goddess Stone, chrysocolla is associated with the fourth (heart) and fifth (throat) chakras. It aids women in embracing their divine feminine power through strong communication, self-expression, empowerment, and education. While it stimulates the mind, calming effects allow truth and inner wisdom to surface and be heard. It emphasizes the power that our words and actions have on those around us, and encourages compassion and strengthening of character. It brings forth prosperity and eagle-eye discernment in business by enhancing analytical and intuitive abilities. As it is the stone of goddesses, high priestesses, and medicine women everywhere, those who resonate with chrysocolla will feel its ancient energies and connection with indigenous wisdom traditions."

"It’s time to put that goddess voice to work, and help raise our collective vibration by showing some love. "

End quote.

[SOURCE: http://goop.com/the-8-essential-crystals/. AUTHOR: Colleen McCann]


Spend a few moments drinking in that craziness.


There's also this:

"Every medical tradition from Western to Chinese to Ayurveda has a unique method for clearing the body of parasites. My treatment is based on knowledge of the Essenes, a community that lived outside of Jerusalem during biblical times. In those days, when a healer learned of a worm infestation, they would put the patient in a tub of milk until the worms would come out to drink—parasites love milk! In fact, many people who think they’re allergic to milk actually have a parasite in their system."

[SOURCE: http://goop.com/you-probably-have-a-parasite-heres-what-to-do-about-it/. AUTHOR: Linda Lancaster]

Honestly, I cannot make this crap up. But I don't have to. Somebody beat me to it, and took all the heavy lifting out of crap-up making.
This up-crapping also goes all the way to eleven.
How much more crappy could this be?
None. None more crappy.

[Another Spinal Tap reference.]



From Wikipedia:
"Goop, and by extension Paltrow, has drawn criticism by showcasing expensive products, and promoting medically and scientifically impossible treatments, some of which could be harmful. The controversies have included vaginal steaming, the use of jade eggs, and "Body Vibes", wearable stickers that were claimed to "rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies" and which Goop falsely claimed were made of a NASA-developed material."
End cite.

Gwyneth Paltrow should soak her jade yoni egg in goatsmilk.
Her customers may vaginally steam their heads.
Cheese in a tin, for all of them.
Up-crap themselves.
Goddesses.



AFTERTHOUGHT

BTW: I'm thinking of giving everyone yoni eggs for Christmas.
Not jade ones, but inexpensive ceramic knock-offs.
Pre-soaked and sage-smoked.
Magic.




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