In it, I listed several things which are very wrong about women, most particularly those of a reasonably spring-like age. I averred that the majority were shallow superficial opinionated shopping freaks, with ridiculous vampire - gangster - hello kitty fetishes.
No, this is by no means an apology.
It was, more or less, the truth.
Most women are like that.
Some aren't. Those are rather hard to find.
I am not the kind of man who obsessively searches for needles hiding in haystacks. If that needle cannot be found, then burn the entire damned stack down and be done with it.
WHAT IS THE IDEAL WOMAN?
One of my readers in particular took exception to what I had written anent the search for a possible romantic equal for yours truly. She may have been the person I meant when I said "One of my friends confesses herself distressed at the absence of a romantic element in my life, and has resolved to at some point find me a girlfriend.".
I indicated that doing so might be a waste of her time, given my sour old grumpiness and picky petty cynicism about the concept of ever seeing another woman again.
What, me womanize? Heaven forefend, I don't even like the creatures!
Most of them.
She commented: 'Fine. Fine. I'll stop. Maybe I'll just find you a perky little dachshund instead. Believe me, it will be easier. Unconditional love. You know you want it. And short stubby legs. What could be better?"
Perky little dachshund? That sounds good, as dachshunds are remarkable.
With avidity I sought to reassure her that it was a splendid idea.
"A dachshund between fifteen and thirty five , please, who reads more than just romance or vampire fiction. And somewhere between four foot eleven and five foot five.
Thanks.
Dachshunds are incredibly intelligent creatures!"
Then someone else pointed out that the age range I specified was problematic ("no 15 year old dachshunds -- only legal dogs"), and I agreed for reasons of my own.
"You're right. They probably don't even seriously read until they're in their twenties anyhow. So, correction: a dachs-hund between 21 and 35, who reads at a post college level, within certain key height parameters."
And there you have it. That describes the ideal woman. A sleek and wriggly hunting animal with a nice personality who is curious and intelligent, and reads at a post-college level.
And is short enough that one can kiss her forehead.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
1 comment:
Really, that’s your idea of an ideal woman? I was thinking bi-sexual & a gourmet cook would be the way to go. No children, no marriage vows, just lots of sex and food.
KR
Post a Comment