IN PRAISE OF THAT CUTE LITTLE DOGGIE OF YOURS

I could probably never own a dog. Here in San Francisco the custom is to walk behind the dog with a plastic bag, doing whatever is necessary to keep the neighbors from flinging pooh at you. And this, unfortunately, means that you must not give them any ammunition.

And let's be honest; most San Francisco dogs are remarkably unlikeable creatures. They're small, yippy, and arrogant. That last characteristic is something they copy from their owners.
Though why a person who has a chihuahua or shitzu would have a big ego is beyond me. Sweetheart, you've got an icky little pooh-factory, not a pet. Those creepy parasites have NO personality, and virtually no brain.
They're rather like dinosaurs; grey matter the size of a pea.

Please go walk your horrid mutt down near the La Brea Tarpits. He might find his long lost cousin there.


The argument has been made that chihuahuas are NOT dogs, but actually sewer rats from Venezuela. That seems very farfetched; rats are intelligent.
If you really believe the rodent theory, it's because your much larger canine (possibly a golden retriever or a labrador) put those thoughts into your head. When your own very personable pet looks at that loathsome little vibrating insect, the only thing he can think of is "bite size!"

It's extremely cruel of you that you force Rambo to associate with miniature monsters at the dog park. Do you know how much self-control it takes for a hunting animal to keep from grabbing the nearest chihuahua and shaking it till the head falls off?
Even most smaller dogs, such as dachshunds and terriers, take one look at that brainless runt and seriously consider mayhem, or perhaps playing fetch with it till it's stopped yipping.
Chihuahuas instinctively know that real dogs are their enemies. They can't formulate the thought, being too stupid for anything other than the animal version of 'doh', but they know that all other house pets are more intelligent, and would wish to kill them in the most entertainingly brutal way possible.

That's why they're always nervous and quivering.
Sheer stupid fear. No, it's not just paranoia.
Everyone really is out to get them.


If you have a chihuahua, you should be be damned glad that the local rats don't have nunchucks. Because if they did, your little Foofie would even now be having his knees broken.


This blogger actually likes animals. Not chihuahuas, animals.
Chihuahuas are a life-support system for irritation.
As well as jelly-brained blondes.


Maybe I should get a cat.
They are non-threatening.
And they pooh discretely.


My, that's a cute little doggie! Rambo from next door wants to play with it.
Please don't watch.



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================