IF IT STINKS IT MIGHT BE EPIC

It turns out that I am a much more patient and tolerant person than Savage Kitten. If you've read this blog for a while, this may surprise you no end. But it is nevertheless the unvarnished truth.

Years ago she borrowed 'The DaVinci Code' from the library to see what all the hoopla was about. I think she got halfway through the first page before deciding that it was a load of bollocks and popular only because people are idiots. On the other hand I got through nearly two pages before deciding de gustibus non disputandem est, the writing in this thing is bad, meh.

We also tried to watch 'Last Year in Marienbad' together. A more pretentious piece of artistic excrescence is hard to imagine. She watched five minutes and concluded that it stank, I saw at least fifteen minutes before regretfully realizing that there was no plot, the characters were flat and unlikable, the dialogue jejeune and pointless, and the cinematography repetitive and derivative.


THE LEGEND OF THE BLACK SCORPION

Last night we sat down to watch 'The Legend of the Black Scorpion', starring Zhang Ziyi and Daniel Wu, directed by Feng Xiaogang. Less than ten minutes into it, she disappeared into the other room, having several times pronounced it a stinker.
Except for a smoke break during which I fixed myself a whiskey and water, I sat through the whole thing.

I think I now understand why Chinese novelists like to feature extended families of several hundred named characters in their works - if, in a fit of pique, they decide to kill off everybody they'll have plenty of scope for creative murder.
The Legend Of The Black Scorpion is a blood-spatter epic. Played for beauty and importance rather than laughs. It is inspired by Hamlet, as interpreted by either Macchiavelli or Ingmar Bergman.
Zhang Ziyi is Hamlet's mom during the period between the T'ang Dynasty and Sung, when the empire was in turmoil and several houses competed for power. Hamlet, in the person of Wu Luan (Daniel Wu), is the crown prince. An artistic sort of chappie, who heads into the distant and semi-barbaric south in a funk once his dad marries Wan'er (Zhang Ziyi), where he stages very meaningful stage pieces in a forest setting for an audience of nil comma nil spectators. Very meaningful! You can tell by the angst that drips off the screen. His dad subsequently gets whacked by his uncle, who then takes Zhang Ziyi as his wife. Several uninteresting plot-twists later, everybody dies of poison or violence.

I thoroughly enjoyed the dramatic deaths of the uncle (poison-suicide) and the empress (surprise sword through the chest). These were very nice. Lots of other people also die in this movie, but in boring ways.
I got the distinct impression that no one was chosen for their acting ability.

However, it is a visually striking movie. Absolutely beautiful. The cinematography deserves kudos. Despite the not-particularly inspired writing, and unsubtle ripp-off of Shakespeare's little Danish adventure, this movie is big, bold, brassy, and epic.
When you watch it, mute the sound and invent your own dialogue.