THE FULL ELVIS

Years ago, when I was working at a computer company down the peninsula, Savage Kitten thought of me. And sent me an article about chicken-fried bacon strips. As served at a famous eatery in Texas. Her added content was some snide remark about heart-attack on a plate, ooh yummy goodness, smirk.

Thick-cut bacon double dipped, nuked in the fryolator, with a bowl of cream gravy on the side.
Geshmak!

I've never eaten chicken-fried bacon strips (just add ranch dressing and it sounds like the breakfast of champions), the computer company headed down the financial tubes like an out-of-control rollercoaster ("we're crashing, wheeeeee!!!!!"), and Savage Kitten denies ever sending me something like that.

This is the same 'inspired' woman who once, in the middle of a dark night, posted flyers on the doors of the company where I worked three blocks from our apartment, advertising 'Round Rhonda's Snack-o-dise', with menu items like 'deepfried corn and walnut lard balls', 'lobster fritters in bacon & butter goop', and 'sugar-crusted crawdaddy nuggets'.
Eating at Round Rhonda's "make you SLAP yo' momma, Ah garontee!".
Free delivery to retirement homes and incarceration facilities.

I never did get a straight answer out of her about why she did that. Something about "brightening up your day", along with "broadening your colleagues' cultural horizons".


GIVE THEM BREAD AND BANANAS

I have often thought that indeed my coworkers needed cultural horizon expansion.
Daily brightening is probably a good thing too.
Especially during rainy weather.
Lunch options in this neighborhood are gloomy, and limited.


I really really wish that the sandwich joint across the street did peanut butter, banana, honey, and bacon sandwiches. Yes, there are such things - Elvis Presley used to eat them all the time. They were probably a contributing factor to his demise (he exploded like a cholesterol and illegal substance bomb while sitting on the crapper), but lawzy, he musta died happy!

Surely one Full Elvis couldn't hurt? One? Once in a blue moon?
Which means no more than twice a week, at most three times. Four during rainy weather.
On fried bread.
You should probably omit the soda and chips if you are dieting.