Many little boys grow up. And still push the boundaries. Which explains the large number of twenty-something males yelling slurs and puking on sidewalks every weekend. Or driving down busy downtown streets looking for prostitutes, screaming, shouting, and gaily waving their privates.
Somehow these are good things, beneficial to business, economic achievement, or something. Money is being spent, which pleases the San Francisco merchants and politicians no end.
It's very middle-class, and one of the rocks upon which our great country is built.
I mention all of this, because Savage Kitten lacks a certain balanced perspective regarding my behaviour.
The other night I was sitting in the television room, very innocently minding my own business, when she yelled from her room "I smell smoke!"
This was not apropos of nothing at all, by the way.
So I hollered back "whut?"
"I smell smoke!!"
"Probably your imagination!!"
"I smell smoke!!!"
"Oh, so you're over your cold, then???"
This exchange could've gone on for several more minutes, except that she came stomping into the room and glared at me.
I pointed at the monkey and said "it was him!!!!!".
[The monkey was introduced in this post:
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/09/happiness-is-quarrelling-with-monkey.html
He is less than a foot tall, missing a leg since that unfortunate accident in the product-development department, and he wears a colourful silken women's shirt which was "just lying there ownerless in the womany-thing's room". He looks very innocent.]
This accusation generated howls of outrage. The monkey, it was forcefully asserted, was wholly blameless. Nay, far otherwise even, the monkey undoubtedly had remonstrated with the smoker, and warned him against puffing a pipe in the television room. The monkey was resolutely opposed to many and several of my behaviours, my dissipation appalled him! And it was obvious that I was a bad man, and did not love the monkey!
For the rest of the evening I 'pushed the boundaries of acceptable behaviour' in the kitchen.
I was undisturbed in this endeavor, as Savage Kitten and the Monkey enjoyed each other's company without my sulfurous presence. They were very firm about this.
Consequently I smoked THREE bowls of strong Virginia flake - finished the bowl in the two-tone Canadian which had betrayed me, continued with a fully bent billiard with a natural finish, then enjoyed a large semi-natural Canadian. All smoked slowly. It was yummy.
This morning, when I woke up, it felt like a camel had climbed into my mouth and died. Rasty. Fur-tongue. Dry, acrid, pelt-like. Slightly rotten and rancid. Yech.
I must have spent too much time in the kitchen last night.
I'm blaming the monkey. He could have put in a good word for me with Savage Kitten.
TOBACCO INDEX
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19 comments:
Serves you right.
althogh send me a picture of the monkey, it may be an evil monkey, in which case it deserves to lose its other leg, and be super glued to the carpet so that he lays prostrate on the ground for eternity, or as long as you relationship with Savage kitten lasts.
also am I correct that you smoked 5 bowls, or was it 3)I could not tell from what you wrote.
" ... and watching summer children dance to the sprightly rhythms of our village band"
Well if she doens't like it why do you do it?
I rather like the smell of pipesmoke, but it can be awfully strong. It smells better whisping from a distance than clouds close up.
Does the shape of a pipe affect how it smokes?
I looked up Canadian and Billiard here;
http://www.pipesmokemag.com/0998/shape.htm
And here:
http://cornellanddiehl.com/pipe_shapes.htm
What is a two-tone?
And what is strong Virginia flake?
If you could explain it without an excess of words, that would be ever so nice.
I'm a nonsmoker, so I don't need ALL the details.
"Without an excess of words"? Oh boy. First, you needs must waive your frillies in GrUnt Patel's face, now you're asking BOTH to expatiate upon matters fumatory.
You are a little ****-disturber, aren't you?
snort
While I would tend to agree with you on boys "pushing boundaries" more, in general, there are exceptions.
Telmac,
You are a non-smoker. That explains why you sympathize with Savage Kitten. Can I offer you some nice vanilla-flavoured cigars to get you started? Cherry cheroot?
Castor Pentwater,
That's strangely charming. I don't know what else to say.
Snooky (Death By Noodles),
Shape does not greatly affect, though the thickness of the wood, size and depth of the bowl, and position of the bowl vis-à-vis the nose of the smoker all are factors. Thick walls mean cooler more even smoking. Narrow deep bowls will have a thinner taste and last longer than wide shallow bowls - preference and taste determine choices here. Some smokers like the wisps trailing close to their nostrils, others prefer the chemical changes to the smell and smoke as it passes through the air.
Two-tone is a finish in which two stains are applied to the wood. The first one is very dark. It is then buffed or sanded till that stain only remains in absorbent lines of the grain. Then a red, orange, or yellow-brown stain is applied over. The pipe is then fine-buffed, yielding a finish with high-contrast in the colouration. Very striking. Usually black and orange.
Flake is pressed tobacco - pressing melds flavours, changes the smoking (and hence taste) characteristics. Strong Virginia flake is leaf with a relatively high sugar content that is pressed and heat treated to increase the perception of sweetness and develop the flavour a particular way. The smell is often twixt perfume, figs, and burning rope. It is both smoother, and stronger in taste, than less pressed or processed tobaccos.
Spiros,
Short, sweet, no frills. Happy?
Tzipporah,
Fascinating blog, that. Snooky, you will probably like it also.
Funny your description of how your mouth tasted the morning after. When I was pushing boundaries about 30 yrs ago - the term "my gob tastes like a camel's scrotum'was often used. I wonder how this phrase came to be.
How can one mind one's own business in a TV room? the whole point of TV is forcing viewers to involve themselves with the business of others.
About 30 yrs ago - when I was pushing boundaries - the prostitutes around Waterloo Station would say "hello luvvie - do you want the business?"
Graham
I have a new post. Most obliged if comments.
I have a comment: Grant Patel is a very crude man.
Hey slimey amphibian, I am NOT a very crude man! Stop saying that! My poor wee feelings are hurt!
---Gruet Pong
I remind you: excess of refinement. You're sad little mind can not encompass such things!
---Grinnard Pontribank
I am both two-toned, and nicely shiny.
---Graeme Prengle
Flake is probably the highest achievement of the tobacconists art. A finely balanced flake, with a sufficiency of Perique, or even a soucon of fire-cured Kentucky, cannot be beat.
Slow, smooth, and huggably mysterious.
Light flakes have a grassy cleanness. Dark flakes are experienced matrons with a secret life.
And full brown flake is infinitely satisfying, like a mistress of many years.
---Grant Patel
Charles Rattray of Perth made fine flakes. The old Marlin Flake was very good - a dark and richly fragrant product.
McClelland is not nearly so sartisfying. But the products from Kendall, Cumbria, Blighty, are exceedingly nice.
I particularly recommend both the Best Brown Flake, and the 1792 Flake for when you are feeling degenerate.
I smoke both. Sometimes more of the latter.
Escudo and Three Nuns used to be good. They are no longer.
---Grant Patel
MacBaren's in a pinch. A bit less character, and always, ALWAYS, that typical Danish fruit. Almost like a prune and licorice perfume. But, not bad. Fine products, well made. Better in the can than in the pouch.
tendency to dry out fast. Jar it.
Navy Mixture has great appeal. Even teenage Cantonese girls would like it. But they should smoke it in small bents, perhaps with a military stem. A cute little Peterson System Standard, or a Savinelli. It would look very elegant.
---Grant Patel
I can also imagine a little pigtailed miss gleaming with pleasure as she contemplatively puffs a small billaird with a saddle-stem.
Flake: the only time when 'blonde' is a good word. Yes, Snooky should smoke a blonde flake. The Orlik in the small festive red tin, with the beperiwigged old git on the top. Very niiiiice!
---Grant Patel
But I digress.
---Grant Patel
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