GORVESTITE

Sometimes Savage Kitten sends me e-mail messages while I am at work. It's a version of love-talk, or sweet-nothings whispered into the ear. Charming little notes to let me know she's thinking of me.


To illustrate, here is an example:

From: 'Savage Kitten'
Sent: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 12:05 PM
To: 'Mr. Toad'
Subject: The blonde gor-vestite in the cube next to me!!


Oh, the horror. The Horror!

I'm at the library, taking advantage of free internet.
Next to me, clopping back and forth, is this platinum blonde with a suspiciously husky voice, who is too high maintenance for words.

If ya wanna use a 30 minute computer at most branch libraries, all ya gotta do is:
1) type in your card number (some of us have it memorized)
2) your pin number (ditto)
No psychological testing necessary. Or a breathalyzer.

This woman has stomped back and forth to the librarians at least four times, demanding help. She doesn't have her card. She can't remember her pin number. Okay, the computer still isn't doing what she needs. Apparently, she can't type either, because she's entered in the wrong thing.

After she's gotten another librarian to come over and actually get her logged on, she's explaining that she's in a hurry, has to be at the airport by a certain time.

When she's FINALLY logged on, she still won't hush. "Fu*&" and enough sighs to inflate a dirigible come out every other second as she's pounding away. From the sounds of the keystrokes, it's like she's hitting each key with a splayed fingertip, like she doesn't want her nails to get boo-bood.

Oh, life is soooooooooooooooooo hard for her.

I think this woman has to be some demented idiot's "trophy" because I can't see her holding down any job.

She eventually leaves. Clomping. I'm internally laughing my bitchy head off.


("Gor-vestite" is my spur of the moment portmanteau phrase for a combination creature who acts like a gorilla and a transvestite. Between the frenzied mashing of the keyboard and the baritone cursing, this person qualifies.)

--------------------------------------

See? Wasn't that sweet?
I don't know about you, but it brightened my day.
I'm beaming right now.


FINAL NOTE: the bar for 'gorvestitism' in Savage Kitten's world is probably very low, especially for platinum blondes, because she herself is a relatively petite Cantonese American. And many platinum blondes here in SF know that this is their world, the rest of us just live in it.
I associate blondes with Dutch people, she associates them with an arrogant inability to do math or play well with anybody. That's just the way it is.