STEP AWAY FROM THE DEEP FRYER!

Some things probably don't taste better with bacon. Or sambal. Despite the most creative efforts of the cook. Sad but true. Wedding cakes, for instance. Or lovely fresh peaches. Although a Southerner might add bacon to the latter. Bless their hearts.

The English are notorious for inventing strangely creative variants on inedible stodge. Mushy peas, for instance. Or "chips" and mediocre curry gravy good lord what is that horrid muck?

My own ancestral culture, the Dutch, are no slouches in that regard.
If there is anything, ANY. DAMNED. THING, that can be balled up, breaded or battered, or both, and deep fried, the Dutch will do it.


Anything.


Fried Chinese Indonesian noodles. Balled up, rolled in egg white and crumbs, deep fried. Served at Dutch fried fast food stands during the sixties and seventies, eaten by many people on beer-fueled whims, with great gusto and sometimes sharp mustard.
For some bizarre reason nobody else has copied that.
Which is very hurtful of them.
Bastards.

DE BAMIBAL

Although it would not surprise me in the slightest if the English eventually do that with mushy peas, and somewhere in the Midwest someone thinks "hey, that's a great idea for macaroni and cheese!"


And to be fair, we Americans did invent the corndog.
Often the only way to pep up a turkey frank.
Or, gottenyu, a tofu sausage.
Still not edible.


Best served with mustard.


Now I'm thinking of deep-fried peaches.
Probably good with bacon and sambal.



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