YOUR FUTURE BEST INTERACTIONS

The benefit of reading Chinese, even though it isn't at a college graduate level, is that I know that a guinea pig and six hamsters are the equivalent of a big hamburger and a piece of fried chicken. From a Cyanide and Happiness cartoon reproduced on a Chinese website. And that a guineau pig is "heaven pillar-bamboo rat", whereas hamsters are "granary rats". Which, of course, brings up the question whether all small furry beasts are rats.

I rather like rats. They're cute, and intelligent social creatures.

Would you rather be hugged by a rat or a rattle snake?

Won't you please give the rats a chance?

So, while mama rat and her little kids clamber up the inside of your pants leg, scare off the hungry murderous reptile. They'll be ever so grateful. The snake won't, but he's a serpent.


Two other things I need to mention is number one that some fast food chains will employ just about anybody ("hello, are you ambulatory, and do you have a face? Congratulations! You're hired!) and number two, the phrase that every visitor to the Netherlands hears over and over is "that's okay, we speak English" (冇問題，啊，我哋識講英文。'mou man tai, ah, ngo dei sik kong ying man'). We are programmed to repeat that till you obey.

So it's only a matter of time before the only intelligent real person behind the counter at your favourite beanorito joint is, in fact, small and furry. The rest will be AI. But please direct your gaze at the rodent. Who will press the right buttons, and presto!
Your meal, and your change!
Napkin?

The machine in charge of the franchise is programmed to understand your gibberish, as well as adept at training counter rats.

Yeah, they're rewarded for a job well done with nicotine instead of snackie treats. You don't want them to get fat, do you? It's a small price to pay. And a happy pipesmoking plague carrier adds a nice human touch.

Please visit our complimentary condiment bar on the way to your table.
Your seat has been programmed to accept gratuities.
Here, have some candy. We like you!



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