MIRACLE CURE

At some point the sports programme on teevee in the backroom segued into an infomercial about a product which let us call 'Crepe Away'.A miracle balm. You have to have it. Now let's hear from actual users, all of whom because it's so good look much much younger. Instead of women between fifty and eighty years of age with flappy bits under their arms, they look like women a year or two younger with NO garbage bags under their arms.
Radiant and youthful! Just 'peachy'!

Actual users. Between fifty and eighty years old.

Which entranced the old fossils, and probably gave them dating ideas.

For a good two hours this afternoon I had a room full of vicious old farts huffing their cigars, scratching their piles, and peacefully gazing at the teevee and visions of feminine beauty. Younger women, crinkle-free, oh my.


It's a stellar product, and worth every penny of your grandkid's tuition!
Heck, sell a kidney. Your grandkid has two.

PINEAL GLAND EXTRACT, MANUKA HONEY, AND YOGURT ENZYMES

For senescent old bozos in their twilight years, this counts as soft-core porn. Their eyes glow, their brows pearl with perspiration, and their fingers tremble. Oooh, so good!

I think that henceforth, when they're snapping and growling, and biting each other's heads off again, I'll just put on another Crepe Away video to distract them and quiet them down.
Crepe Away, the unguent of pulchritude. It's better than old bozo bloodlust.



Gluten-free.



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