RESPONSE TO A YETI WITH A NEVER-WASHED KILT

A reader took umbrage at yesterday morning's post, in which I said unkind things about the Scotch, anent their independence vote. To do so, he made use of the letterbox for which a link appears underneath each essay here, writing an epistle for private consumption.
No, I shall not publish it.

I shall merely remark that starting with the salutation "sod off, you wanker" might lead me to believe that your kilt is too filthy and the vermin are causing you distress underneath the coarse scratchy wool. Especially where the weight of the sporran causes friction with your unclean private parts. Flaking skin, and lots of opportunistic parasites.
A thriving colony with mandibles and claws.
Heavens, it must be horrid.
Poor you.

SOD OFF YOU WANKER

Couldn't you at least have included a smiley face? And some well-formulated sentences in riposte, in lieu of the gibberish and spelling errors with which you continued your diatribe? Obviously the Queen's English is not your native language, you inbred Celtic bogman, but you do know about spellcheck, I presume. It exists for a very good reason: you.
It makes spelling the words ye canna' pernonce easy.
Trust me on this.


Look, I know you lot believe you created civilization, but even you will have to admit that you then ruined the effect by also inventing haggis. Which is your sole contribution to the kitchen arts. You probably eat nothing else over there, do you? Even the English have fish and chips and Pakistani food, you must be insanely jealous you putrid blisters, but you're stuck in a frigid wet soggy moorland with nothing but bleeding grouse and ptarmigans to keep you company, along with the whiskey-soaked sheep that run in terror whenever you've got a glint in your eye.
Haggis is not food. It's an offense against nature.
Boiled grease-soaked kilt is better.
Try it sometime.


Anyhow, I am truly sorry I caused offense. It was all meant in good humour -- any mention of bagpipes should've told you that -- but evidently it was a little too subtle. Sorry. Please don't act hurt.

Have an extra dram of whiskey with your haggis.
You will feel a lot better if you do.


There's another letterbox below.



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