A SCOTTISH MOVIE MAN

Per a tradition dating back to when I lived on Broadway and The Amphibian worked at the second-hand bookstore of lamentable and not-to-be-mentioned in polite company name, once a week the both of us end up at a dive bar in Chinatown.
Start with horrible wine on Broadway.
Pint of beer elsewhere while observing craziness at the intersection from our perch above the mob, as well as art in the alleyway.
Finish with whiskey while people screech.
Full service karaoke.

I am still baffled why Deutsche Welle was on the television at the dive in Chinatown.

AGENDA, WITH BRENT GOFF

Deutsche Welle is the German 'mission civilisatrice'.
News, kultur, and existential angst.

No, it's not Sprockets

Panel discussion, four participants, as near as we can tell talking about child refugees, mistakes made in the fight against Ebola, and the upcoming Scottish separatist vote.

Brent Goff, Usman Shehu, Karl Kopp, and Billy MacKinnon.
Two journalists for Deutsche Welle.
A European asylum activist.
And a Scotsman.

Remember, it's a bar with Chinese people.
And a karaoke machine.

The sound was off on the television, so the Amphibian and myself were the only ones paying attention to the roundtable discussion, and that only because Billy MacKinnon has the most bizarre hand language. Flying, swooping, jabbing, fruit-picking, diving, and twirling, twirling, twirling.

Twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling!

Flutters, twitches, and a series of full upper torso wobbles to boot.
Like watching a man with syphilitic muscle spasms
Or directing an imaginary orchestra.
Inner karaoke.

William (Billy) MacKinnon has quite a few praestations under his belt.

Writer (6 credits)
2014 Dawn (adaptation)
2012 Aufzug (The Lift) (Short)
2009 Wayfaring Stranger (Short) (writer)
2007 Savage (Short)
1998 Hideous Kinky (writer)
1996 Small Faces (written by - as Billy Mackinnon)

Producer (5 credits)
2012 Violine (Short) (executive producer)
1996 Small Faces (producer - as Billy Mackinnon)
1990 The Last Crop (TV Movie) (producer)
1989 Sweetie (co-producer - as William MacKinnon)
1986 Passing Glory (Short) (producer)

Miscellaneous Crew (5 credits)
2014 Shongram (story editor)
2010 The Orgasm Diaries (script editor)
1999 Mauvaise passe (script editor)
1993 The Piano (script editor)
1989 Sweetie (script editor)

Second Unit Director or Assistant Director (2 credits)
1998 Hideous Kinky (second unit director)
1996 Small Faces (second unit director)

[SOURCE: The Internet Movie Database. ]


Honestly, I had never heard of Mr. William (Billy) MacKinnon before.
Now I cannot get his ridiculous hand mannerisms out of my head.
A flapping of fingers till the feathers fly.

His bucket-load of nervous tics.

Or the evil of his smirk.

Stop that!

It must have been a good show, but unfortunately all we know is that that man needs a straight-jacket, if only so that his fellow tablers don't seize one of his hands and smack it down on the table. "Stop moving those hands, just stop!" Perhaps lock the offending extremity down by jabbing a steak knife through it and pinning it to the table. He'd swoop his other hand around in expressive indignation, good, that one gets immobilized too.
With both out of action, maybe he'd finally fall silent.

How do you know when Billy MacKinnon is talking?

Simple.

If you think I'm making too much of him and this, it's because I am.

His fellow paneleers started unconsciously emulating him, gesticulating ever more absurdly, and soon even the Amphibian was nearly levitating from the wild wingbeats with which he punctuated his witty commentary on the spectacle. It was altogether irritating and embarrassing, plus intensely and painfully annoying. It grated horribly upon the eyes.
Very gay, but not in a nice way.

No doubt there's a medicine for that.

Valium should work.

Or a taser.

Flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping,  flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping, flapping!


Once again: valium.


Horse pills.



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