PERHAPS SIT IN A BUCKET OF ICE CREAM

It wasn't the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. It was the "endless scrambled egg buffet". This, at least, is my theory after listening to Oliver, the last of his kind, who keeps mentioning flame thrower parties and eggs. He's passionately fond of both. When I returned home from deepest Marin, the turkey vulture, the delinquent hippopotamus with the cane and hat, and the small purple dinosaur (last of his kind) all clamoured noisily for my attention.
Having had a long day at the salt mines, I was a bit upset.

A man needs his cup of strong coffee upon getting off work to fully alive again.

Don't disturb Daddy till he's had his Folgers.


Just cross the river to Juarez, little fellow, and ask the first gentleman you see there where all the dinosaurs are ("oye pendejo donde estan tus lindas hermanitas?"). Before you know it, you will be surrounded by your kinfolk whom you haven't seen in years. Yep, Juarez. It's the promised land. That's where all the dinosaurs went after we gave humans the vote here.


Oliver is about three inches tall. Probably always missed out on the endless scrambled egg buffet because he was so short. It's sad. As for the flamethrower parties, I doubt that those were as much fun as he makes them out to be. As he tells it, boys would flamethrower the girls from behind, which they adored, so they'd pursue the boy with great enthusiasm. After which no one would ever see the boy again; too much passionate loving. Now, I'll admit that seeing as I haven't dated anyone or had a relationship in over ten years I am a little rusty, and consequently "flame thrower parties" sound promising, but somehow I can't believe that torching someone's rear end with a blast of fiery napalm leads to passionate romance.

So I want you to try it. Report back to me afterwards. Did it work?
And how was the endless scrambled egg buffet?




NOTE 1: If you can pick it up, it's an hors d'oeuvre. Fried bacon strips with Sriracha as a dip, or cake.

NOTE 2: Sausalito attracts tourists from the stupid part of the world. You can also breathe through your nose. So if it is required to wear a mask anywhere, like, for instance, the bus, then the mask goes over the nose too. I guess that's unheard of in Dumbcluckistan, huh?

NOTE 3: Humans voting? Bad idea.




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