WHAT DOES CINCO DE MAYO REALLY MEAN?

Something that surprises many Anglos is that Cinco De Mayo falls on the same day every year. It's almost as if those pesky Mexicans pre-planned this whole thing. They probably had help.
I miss the ethnic jollifications planned by HR and the glee club at the office.
Oh, the zaniness! The fat executives from sales in sombreros from Chevys Restaurant, the fruit punch flavoured with Cuervo, the bowl of mayonnaise with green food colour and a few drops of Tabasco!

Stone-ground purple tortilla chips!

Ay yai yai, señores!


Cinco De Mayo being on Friday, you can expect throngs of post-college fratboys to be throwing up all weekend long.
In between drunken sex and a capella renditions of La Cucaracha.

Whatever you eat today, it is probably better than anything from that chain responsible for outbreaks of food poisoning among middle class office workers and vegetarians the name of which I shall not mention here because I don't want C##po##e to sue me.

I will not let them take my pantalones by legal knavery.

Nothing libellous here.



A BERSERK ORANGE-FACED POO-GIBBON

We know what he's having: carefully constructed pre-barf. It's a pre-existing condition. There are two people whom I would wish this dish on. Literally.
One of them nearly always wears raggedy programmer garb to hide his tummy, the other one has snappy blue suits and tailored shirts. Which might be considerably improved by having the contents of a taco bowl artfully spattered all over. He'd look good with that.


It's gonna be yuuge™.


I myself do not plan to eat anything too distinctly Mexican today or even all weekend, because drunken Gringos, of whatever ethnicity and hue, are not my chosen company. What with being a fairly sober Anglo of too much taste and common sense to hang out with that lot.

Instead, in another two or so hours, I shall be consuming dim sum or congee in a neighborhood where people are neither Anglo nor Chicano, as well as having some tea, smoking a pipe, and purchasing food supplies because there are no more vegetables left in the crisper. There are no sombreros there. Straw coolie hats yes, but just like sombreros, Caucasians look like damned idiots wearing them.



All the rest of you please enjoy the green mayo and crystal hot sauce dip.
Happy Mexican Independence Day! We have bacon bits for your tacos!



I'm listening to a bunch of Latins singing right now.
That's as close as I will get to celebration.




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