A MAN LOVES HIS VACUUM CLEANER!

In all honesty, I would have suggested a cat. If you have to get one or the other, get a cat. At least they sort of respond to affection. And cats have personality, so talking to it is not quite like talking to a brick wall. Whereas vacuum cleaners are unemotional and not very responsive, rather lacking a functioning brain (or even an amygdala), and tending strongly to neurosis.
A man who talks to a vacuum cleaner might as well be talking to G-d.
For all the good that will do.

When I came home I switched on the computer, without even greeting my apartment mate -- she was talking about murder with her boyfriend, and enchanted by the details -- and clicked into Facebook.


First thing I saw:

"My vacuum has died a horrible and painful death."

That from a correspondent on the East Coast.


Most of the comment string:

"I told you not to use it it to clean up failed baking attempts. Vacuums do not do well with cake batter."

"... well, that sucks."

"I'm insulted that you think I ever fail."

"That sucks."

"Damn didn't see someone be me to it."

"That blows."

"At least he died doing what he loved."

"I'd say assuming gender is sexist, but saying dhe would be worse, wouldn't it?"

"At least ze died doing what ze loved?"

"Bonus points."

"Did it get clogged? Don't get choked up about it ... "

"Nature abhors a vacuum."

"That's why I cut vacuums out of my diet."

"Was gasoline involved in its death? If so it was a Nobel death indeed. Also,.please post the video."

"Damn. Simon beat me to it, and someone beat him? Double damn."

"Sucks for you."

"So many dirty jokes to make now..."


What is truly remarkable about this is that EVERYONE on that string is male. All males, commiserating with the original vacuum cleaner man.


I don't have a vacuum cleaner. My apartment mate owns a vacuum cleaner, which is the most recent of several she has owned. But she hardly ever uses it. See, both of us are kind of Aspy, and dust is a mere detail.

More to the point, neither of us gaily fling our cake batter around.
In fact, there has never been cake batter in this place.
Baking isn't a thing we ever do.

See, both of us are kind of Aspy ......

Murder is much more interesting.
And frightfully intellectual.



Get a cat. They can anthromorphoform.
Vacuum cleaners are just dumb.
Some are vulkodlaks.




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