At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Monday, November 21, 2016


As no doubt many people do when tired of dealing with pestilential rightwing dickwads on the internet, I sought solace by reading about unhealthy Dutch snackfood. The Dutch language, and Dutch junkfood, are an infinite source of comfort and joy in times such as these.

The most popular fattisnax in the Netherlands, in order:

Frikandel (deep fried rod-shaped compost of spiced finely ground meat).
Vietnamese loempia (Vietnamese imperial roll).
Kroket (croquette; bechamel and something, chilled, breaded, deepfried).
Kaassoufflé (allegedly cheese souffle).
Kipnuggets (chicken nuggets).
Mexicano (what the heck?!?).
Kipkorn ('poulycroc').
Bitterbal (round mini croquettes).
Gehaktbal (spicy meatball).
Bamibal (see explanation below).
Vlammetjes (miniature spicy eggrolls).
A big serving of French Fries with condiments.

And how unhealthy is this stuff?

Frikandel: two hundred plus calories.
Vietnamese loempia: one hundred and twenty calories.
Kroket: between nearly two hundred calories and over four hundred.
Kaassoufflé: three hundred plus calories.
Kipnuggets: variable, sometimes it isn't even chicken.
Mexicano: three hundred to four hundred calories.
Kipkorn: two hundred calories.
Bitterballen: serving size is whatever you can eat.
Gehaktbal: between one hundred and fifty and two hundred and fifty calories, depending on size and proportion of fat to lean meat and fillers.
Bamibal: unquantifiable.
Vlammetjes: unquantifiable due to doubtfulness of ingredients.
French Fries with condiments: overload.

For reference, the average woman needs roughly two thousand calories perday, the average man perhaps 2500. This presumes normal sized people, NOT the glandular freaks in the heartland.

"De Mexicano is hoofdzakelijk paardenvlees"

A frikandel is delicious. Basically a sausage-like object, with the meat protected from the hot oil penetrating by having been dipped in beaten egg white and covered with fine rusk crumbs. It will be dark brown when served, steaming, fragrant, and very nice with sharp mustard. It can also be offered in a long bun with chopped onion and tomato, slathered with a hodge-podge of condiments as you specify.

Per Wikipedia: "De Mexicano wordt fabrieksmatig geproduceerd. De samenstelling is een pittig gekruid gehakt van hoofdzakelijk paardenvlees met tevens in afnemende hoeveelheden varkensvlees, rundvlees en kip. Het mengsel wordt in een speciale vorm geperst. De Mexicano kan worden bereid in de frituur, in de oven, op de barbecue of in de pan."

[Translation: The 'Mexicano' is produced industrially. The composition is spicy ground meat, principally cheval, with decreasing quantities of pork, beef, and chicken. The mixture is pressed in a special form. The Mexicano can be cooked in the deep fat fryer, in the oven, on the barbecue, or in a fry pan.]

The Bamibal is one of those "what were they thinking" objects. Bami is a Chinese Indonesian noodle dish, the bamibal is the spicy noodle mixture rolled into a ball, breaded, and deepfried. It is quite delicious, and probably totally unhealthy. Very weird.

The Kaassoufflé is made by wrapping flaky pastry dough around a hunk of cheese and deepfrying that sucker. Like the Mexicano, it was invented after I had already returned to the United States, and I've never had one.

All of these can be served either with the French Fries and condiments on the side, or gaily layered on top of the French Fries, with condiments squirted everywhere. Dump a salad over to assuage your guilt.
Salad ("sla") makes everything healthy, right?
The preferred Dutch condiments, in order of importance and popularity:
runny mayonnaise ("friet saus"), peanut sauce, tomato gloop of some sort, creamy garlic sauce, and hot sauce or chilipaste (sambal).
Many Dutch like all of them.

The Dutch can deepfry almost anything.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.



  • At 2:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    En bedankt Atboth. Dinsdagochtend, en ik heb reeds zin in een Mexicano! Alhoewel een Pikanto met mayo er ook wel in zou gaan...

  • At 9:02 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Ik moest natuurlijk even kijken wat een pikanto was. Blijkbaar een mengsel van kippe vlees, paarden vlees, en varkensvlees, met binders, smaak toevoegingen, en dezelfde behandeling als een frikandel.

    Note for English-speakers: basically a larger meatier and spicier version of a frikandel made of chicken, pork, and horse. The spices are approximately four parts ground pepper, two parts cumin, two parts coriander, two parts cayenne, and one part nutmeg or mace.

    Plus salt, chilipaste, and chopped fresh red chili pepper. A rod-shaped spicy meatball, precooked, and then deepfried to serve.

    Probably delicious, but like the kaassoufflé and the Mexicano, I have never had one.

    The commentator above now wishes to start the day off with one, with mayonnaise. Good. It sounds like the breakfast of champions, the perfect reason to get out of bed on a cold and blustery Autumn day.


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