At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Monday, April 04, 2016


After listening to me yacking on about the deep and abiding love that Cantonese females usually have for fresh fish, a friend exclaimed: "good lord, they're precisely like otters!"
Which is true.

Cantonese girls are very much like otters.

If you use a can of tuna as bait, you won't get otters in San Francisco, nor anybody who speaks Cantonese, you'll get raccoons.
Either that or the neighborhood felines will think you're a deity.
Crazy and unpredictable, but a deity.

I don't know what bait you would use for a Cantonese girl.
To answer my friend's peculiar question.

I'm fairly certain high quality pipe tobacco doesn't work. High quality pipe tobacco doesn't lure anybody except intelligent gentlemen of good taste and discernment. And while they are truly splendid company, they are lacking in certain regards.

This, more or less, was pursuant a pipe tobacco which, even two years after the tin was opened, was still moist and springy like the mummy in that Brendan Fraser movie (though far more fruity smelling), because of all the humectant in the added goop. Also included were caramel, wild heather honey, and coconut essence. It sat on the same shelf as a tobacco that smells like smoked fish, hence the connection; what would it smell like without that weird odour?

Well, probably not like fresh fish.

You will probably be pleased to know that there is no pipe tobacco that smells like fresh fish. Or not, if you wanted to be mobbed by Cantonese females ...... they'd probably rip you to pieces searching for the parts of you that taste like lobster, then scatter the bloody shreds to the wind, bitterly disappointed and likely vindictive because you cheated them.
They can be quite fierce when it comes to food.

What you should smoke, in order to be quite utterly certain that they won't come anywhere near you and threaten your life, is a Virginia and Perique mixture. It has been my experience that no one approaches me with chopsticks clacketing anticipatorily while I smoke such a product.

Back when I still smoked Latakia mixtures, they didn't either.
So that's probably a safe bet too.
More's the pity.

There's nothing quite so single-minded as a hungry Cantonese woman.
If you will not feed them, it is best to step aside.
This is hard-won knowledge.
Use it wisely.


We visited the internet to see if there were any tobaccos associated with otters. There are. At least one. Here's the description of one of them:
Otter Creek -- A wonderful blend of Virginia, Burley and Black Cavendish. A unique Vanilla flavor (STET) with an awesome room note. A simple aromatic and a great all around smoke. Perfect for that comfortable and mild aromatic change.
[Source: Tobacco Reviews, Four Noggins.]

Far be it from me to speak ill of someone else's labour of love, which 'Otter Creek' undoubtedly is. But hell will freeze over, the rivers run dry, the polar ice cap melt, the stars all die, and the sun no longer shine, before I shove this into my pipe.

Unless it lures Cantonese girls out of hiding.
Then I might possibly consider it.

Live dangerously.

Tomorrow afternoon I will smoke a pipe or two while wandering around Chinatown after lunch. Nobody will bother me.
But no one will come near me either

I might buy some fish.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


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