THE DUTCH ARE OUR FRIENDS!

Often, when I have nothing better to do, I read the Telegraaf newspaper. The Telegraaf is the most popular journal in the Netherlands, and can be said to appeal to the lowest common denominator.
Which is pretty damned low and common. Makes even our San Francisco papers look rather high-fallutin' and intellectual.
But then, we have fewer inbred peasants than the old world.


BELGIAN TRAVEL ADVISORY

VS waarschuwen voor België AMSTERDAM - Het officiële reisadvies van de Verenigde Staten geeft een waarschuwing voor toeristen die naar België afreizen.

An article about official cautions to American tourists travelling to Belgium. Like much that is produced by the US government monkey corps, there are a few minor problems.

Such as some nonsense about tourists being robbed with shaving cream on public transportation in Brussels, and the staff at Walloon medical facilities being unable to speak a civilized tongue.


The readers of the Telegraaf have loyally taken up the defense of their neighbors in the comments underneath the article.


A condensed sampling of Dutch opinions about Americans:

"Ze worden daar met de dag dommer..... de grootste criminelen, lopen er in de VS rond..... Amerikanen, die weten niks van wat er in de wereld werkelijk gebeurd. En die media daar om te huilen. We zijn niet door Amerika bevrijd in WW2 maar door de geallieerden. Een borst op de TV en heel amerika is geschokt terwijl de sexindustrie de grootste ter wereld is. Laat ze lekker in hun eigen land blijven. Amerikanen nooit een dommer en kinderlijk volk gezien. We zitten hier niet op die amerikaanse cultuurbarbaren te wachten. Sinds wanneer spreken ze in Amerika iets anders dan Amerikaans? Domme arrogante Amerikanen. Hoe noem je iemand die 3 talen spreekt? Drietalig. Iemand die 2 talen spreekt? Tweetalig. Iemand die 1 taal spreekt? Amerikaan! Hoe durft zo'n land wat te zeggen een land waar zoveel criminele activiteiten plaatsvinden. Een land die overal oorlog voert. Een land die handelt in wapens. Een land waar kinderen op school mekaar neerschieten. Ik zou zeker niet om culturele redenen naar de VS reizen vanwege onbestaand daar. "

In short, Americans are dumb and getting stupider by the day, are all more or less ignorant criminals whose newspapers are garbage (according to a reader of the Telegraaf, 'nuff said). Furthermore, Americans didn't liberate Europe, that was the Allies.
One titty on the television and all of the United States is horrified! Horrified! The Yanks have the biggest sex industry in the world!
Americans, haha, nothing more than barbarians! They don't even speak decent English over there! Americans are depraved, monolingual, and congenitally criminal, and should above all stay in their own horrid culturally deprived country.


Those are nice Dutch people writing those things. You know, Netherlanders  .....   our devoted allies, who keep reminding us of our long friendship and common cause. Dutch people. The people whose politicians smilingly agree with us, in English, at international conferences. The nation which copies so much of our popular culture, and where everybody speaks a version of English because they've been watching almost nothing but American television shows since the sixties.

Remember, the Dutch are our friends. They've told us so, many times.
In our language.


BELGIUM

I have to agree with the Dutch - there is NOTHING wrong with Belgium.
It is in fact far safer everywhere in Flanders and Wallonia than in any large municipality in the Kingdom of The Netherlands, the people are very much cleaner than they are in Holland, and considerably more friendly and polite.

If you have the chance, by all means visit Belgium. The food is delicious - Belgians are deservedly famous for their cooking, unlike the Dutch, who haven't anything even close to 'cuisine'. And Belgian beer is wonderful - neither Amstel nor Heineken are in the same league. Heck, compared to many fine Belgian brews such as Mort Subite, Duvel Moortgat, Leffe, De Koninck, Rodenbach, Callewaerts, and others, both Heineken and Amstel are naught more than pale ditchwater unfit for human consumption.
The only Dutch beer that is even drinkable is Dommelsch Oud Bruin, which is mighty hard to find north of rivers.

Additionally, Belgium has many fine museums and art galleries with helpful staff - unlike the Netherlands, where the staff are uniformly wooden and uncommunicative - and Belgians truly understand that a welcoming attitude and genuine warmth are graces which bring credit to their country - again, unlike the Dutch, who seem to believe that a Golden Age four centuries ago is enough reason for the modern Dutchman to haughtily look down his long unwashed nose at the rest of the world. That characteristic Dutch snootiness is called "deftigheid", by the way. Though the Belgians also understand the word "deftig", they do not use that term in the same way, and they are at times more galled at the rude standoffishness of 'Ollanders than even us Yanks. Many Belgians despair of the Dutch ever becoming truly civilized, and the proximity of such cold fish is all the more irritating because of the similarities of language.
It must be said that Flemish is more mellifluous than that Northern hairball up-barfing gabble of their cousins across the border.

De Vlaamsche 'g', weette gy wel. 't Klinkt gewoon schooner.

Antwerpen has more fine restaurants than Rotterdam, Amsterdam, and Utrecht combined, the moules-frites in Brussels are superb, Ghent and Brugge are architectural treasure troves.
Such French-speaking cities as Liège, Dinant, Charleroi, and Namur all have their own abundant charms, not least of which is the rolling countryside of the South. Plus, of course, food as good as anywhere in Belgium.

Hospitality, in whatever language (Flemish: gastvrijheid; Walloon: l’hospitalité) is a Belgian concept.

Truly, if you visit Europe, you should spend at least half of your time in Belgium. You might even want to avoid the rest of the continent altogether, Belgium has more than enough to be the best trip of your life.




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