CONTEMPLATING CORPSES IN THE WASTELAND
I feel for the bird. After all, what kind of a life is it when they expect you to investigate cadavers? It's not like you have any intention of eating them.
Not when you're used to high cuisine, in a zoo.
And that flying business is so last century.
Approaching the deceased with measured tread, calmly, as if meeting an old friend, has considerably more 'gravitas' than landing on the actual object, squawking and flapping your wings like a hysteric.
No wonder a Turkey Vulture named Sherlock is proving a less than satisfactory adjunct to the coroners' office in Nieder-Saxen.
Yes, vultures and dead things have an affinity. But while it might be out of necessity in the Wild West, it is purely an affectation in Germany.
In any case, I suspect that vultures would far rather eat German food than carrion.
"While he can locate a stinking burial shroud which the police gave the bird park to use for training purposes and which is clearly marked with a yellow plastic cup, Sherlock doesn't approach the shroud by air.
"He prefers to travel by foot."
Imagine, if you please, a bird ambling up to the subject in a dignified way, telling itself "act natural, act natural, act natural....."
Perhaps also thinking "if that thing moves, I shall scream".
Sherlock is far too used to the tame and civilized atmosphere of Germany to act like a wild animal.
Instead of spotting corpses, he would probably rather attend university in Heidelberg.
Or become a nihilist intellectual in Berlin.
Sing, even! 99 luftballons!
"They are not pretty with their bright bald heads but they do have an ability to locate carrion. If they want to.
Sherlock does not - or not if it involves too much effort.
At the time the scheme was launched, the idea was that Holmes would be the senior detective teaching Miss Marple and Columbo.
"But the young ones can't do anything besides fight with each other", Spiegel quoted a trainer as saying."
Are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet...... Mom, he pecked me!
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