BRIEFLY ABOUT THE TALMUD

In many of the gibberant posting on the internet, and stupid comments underneath newspaper articles, the Talmud is misquoted by writers seeking to prove the evil of world Jewry.


We've all seen the quotes, and we've all gone back to the source and recognized the ebb and flow of argument and counter-argument, in which the quoted statements occur. And, if we know how to read critically (which is a mitzvah), we understand that in the first place the misquoted quote is only one point of view, presented amidst others of equal weight, some of which flatly contradict it, and in the second place, if one doesn't take into account the tenor of the entire passage in which it (the quote) occurs, the point of the discussion may very well be lost.

Taking statements out of context will turn any document into a poisonous growth. How much more so a complex multi-volume exercise in working out ideas and principles by a bunch of opinionated, quarrelsome, and passionate scholars?

One or two lines from the Talmud have, by themselves, scant relevance. Context shades the meaning. Dumping a statement into a sewer will make it smell as bad whatever else it has to swim with.


The third thing to keep in mind is that the Talmud does not command so much as show a methodology and highlight relevant considerata - it is a 'howto' for the process, not a collection of answers.


Dutch commenters: idiots and otherwise.

Underneath articles concerning Irak, Afghanistan, Israel, or the US on the Algemeen Dagblad website the comments inevitably will veer off into the usual crap from bigots and blinkerminds. Being fluent in Dutch, I am usually appalled and offended at the miserable command of their own language evinced by these people, sometimes more than their odious opinions and faulty logic might even warrant.

But sometimes I am pleasantly surprised.


One of the little jewels I found recently I reproduce below, with translation interpolated.

COMMENT BY RENE - Friday July 28th, 2006:
Een woord over de hier aangehaalde Talmoed. De Talmoed is heel moeilijk joods studiemateriaal. Veel joden spenderen er uren per dag aan. Waarom?
[A word about the here referenced Talmud: The Talmud is extremely difficult Jewish study material. Many Jews expend hours everyday on it. Why?]

De Talmoed is in eerste benadering een discussiestuk. Je vindt er tientallen meningen over een menigte van onderwerpen. De verschillende, vaak tegenstrijdige, meningen worden tegenover elkaar gezet in diepe logische discussies. Soms leidt dit tot conclusies over de Joodse wet, soms niet. Je kan niet uit de Talmoed citeren en zeggen: "zo denken de joden." Het is alsof je uit dit forum citeert en zegt: "zo denkt de SP." Alsof je uit de notulen van de tweede kamer een SP-er citeert en zegt: "zo denken Nederlanders."
[The Talmud is, in first instance, a discussion-piece. You will find in it tens of opinions about a multitude of subjects. The various, often contradictory, opinions are posited in opposition to each other in deep logical discussions. Sometimes this leads to conclusions about Jewish law, sometimes not. You cannot cite from the Talmud and say "this is what the Jews think". It is like citing from this forum (the comment-slew on the AD site), saying "this is what the Socialist Party thinks". As if you quote from the lower chamber notes of a socialist parlementarian, and aver "this is what the Dutch think".]

Waarom is de Talmoed zo? Waarom hebben haar redacteurs de Talmoed haar niet beter politiek gekorrigeerd? Omdat de essentie van de Talmoed niet zit in de geciteerde meningen, maar in de logica van de afwegingen tussen die meningen. Deze logica is wat de Talmoedstudent probeert te leren, want het is deze logica die bestand is tegen de tijd.
[Why is the Talmud thus? Why did the redactors not make it more politically correct ('correct it more politically')? Because the essence of the Talmud is not in the cited opinions, but in the logic inherent in comparing the opinions. This logic is what the Talmud student strives to learn, because it is this logic which stands the test of time.]


There are still Dutchmen capable of thought.
Boruch Hashem.
Please note that I have no clue who Rene is, other than that he is Rene.

HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN

The XGH yesterday threw a seven-part herring in among the cats. Which is not the subject of this post (go to his blog if you want to fish).

I wish instead to showcase the most quotable statement of the day.

XGH: "I can’t understand why all the atheists and skeptics are not just nihilistic hedonists. Life is pointless, you might as well stimulate your pleasure mechanisms as much as possible then go shoot yourself in the head before you die a more painful death. Really, is there any other point to life?"


Sounds like epikorsus to me. Deliciously viciously logical too. Any questions?

DAM, DAM, DIDDY DIDDY DAM DAM

[In which we learn that Gallitziyaners are hot, and get the distinct impression that the Rabam needs to get out of San Francisco before next Simches Torah (and the happy dancing with the hairy men).]


Because the Knitter of Shiny things has a headache (see here: http://stillinthewoods.blogspot.com/2006/09/more-research.html) , this extract from the infamous unpublished sefer (Likoot-eye ha Yeshivas Chipass emess ) by the Rabam (a direct descendant of the Baal ha Turetz and the Rebbe of Prolicz) is presented below. It is more than a little bit smakeloos - you have been warned!


Excerpt:


NIDAH - ZIVAH - ZAVAH - MIKVAH
Undsoweiter.......


Nidah = Ritual impurity (tuma) of a woman during the menses, or after having given birth, and also the menstrual woman herself. It is defined by a discharge of blood (dam) from the female reproductive organ. Seven days from the moment the menses (dam nidah) start are nidah. Then follow eleven days of zivah (running or radiant flow - the clean and clear flow of menstrual blood after the uterine lining has been cast off. Any bleeding during zivah is dam zivah; the zivah woman is a zavah.

Shoyn. After ziva-zava comes a state of being tahor (pure).


But it is a different ball game after giving birth. After a boy, she is impure for seven days from when vaginal bleeding stops and until she goes to the Mikvah (ritual bath); after a girl, for fourteen days following the cessation of bleeding and until she goes to the Mikvah. But if she has given birth by Caesarian section and there has been no vaginal bleeding, she need not wait the seven or fourteen days - she is considered to be clean (tahor). Please note that until the woman goes to the Mikvah she remains unclean, no matter what type of vaginal bleeding is involved.


Mikvah = Pool. In this context, a pool for the ritual cleaning or purifying of people (men also!) and things (cooking utensils!). Not just any puddle of water will do; it has to be Mayim Chayim - living water, meaning water that moves: river or lake water, streams, or pools of fresh rain water. It may however be 'augmented' by tap water. When making use of a Mikvah, a woman is supposed to immerse herself entirely without holding on to anything (lest that portion of the skin in contact with the support not be wet at the same time as the rest of her). Then the blessing (bracha) is recited: 'Blessed art thou O Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, Who has sanctified us by His Commandments and commanded us to perform the ritual immersion' (Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha-olam asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu al ha-tevilah). Women MUST use a Mikvah, men MAY use a Mikvah, but are not obligated to do so. Both should wash themselves thoroughly and completely before entering the pool. Be especially careful of creepy men and of scholars with red kippot when using the mikvah.


Now, if all of this gives you a queasy feeling, tough. Thems the breaks. Experimenting with alternatives to heterosexual congress is frowned upon.


Which inevitably brings us to….......


MISHKAV ZACHAR!

It is written in Vayikra (Leviticus) 18:22 "V'et zachar lo tishkav mishkvei ishah to'evah hu” (And with a male do not lie down in bed of a woman - it is nasty).

And in verse 20:13 "V'ish asher yishkav et zachar mishk'vei ishah to'evah asu shneihem mot yumatu - dameihem b'em" (And a man lies down with a male in the beds of women, both of them have done something icky: dying, they will die! Their blood is on them.).


But does this necessarily mean homosexuality?

Two other interpretations present themselves – one relating to female impurity, the other to heathen ritual.

Female impurity (because of the menses) which affects everything she rests upon, is quite the most likely - a man who lies on the bed of a menstruating woman becomes ritually polluted and must cleanse himself, much like a man who has a nocturnal emission or one who touches a corpse. The more men, the greater pollution.

The other possibility is in reference to heathen religious sex rituals, which were staggeringly popular among the Canaanites (and the Greeks, the original Apikorsim), which I will spare you details and not describe. Suffice to say that the heathen had congress with either gender of man or beast. The sheer mechanical aspect of such activity absolutely contradicts a healthy emotional relationship between two people who are committed to each other, entirely separate from the obviously horrific sin of participating in avoidah zara.

A man who opportunistically takes another man to bed while his wife is off limits (nidah), and does so in his wife’s bed to boot, is clearly beyond the pale. Men with aza netiyois should not marry women, even though we are commanded to be fruitful and multiply (prooing the old oorvoo, so to speak).


Of course, if you are a Canaanite or any other non-Jew, you absolutely need not be multipliciously fruitful - there are more than enough of you already. But the same principle holds for Jew as well as Gentile - you shall not treat your eishes chayil (your good woman) this way, so don't do this in your wife's bed, nor even in the same house, you mechutzeff!


Grada, that is what kollel is for.

Or the gym, for Goyim.


Marrying the other sex is not for everyone. Why increase unhappiness in the world? It is better to look to your own wellbeing, than insist that someone with needs which will not be met by marriage with the opposite gender make of one unhappy person two unhappy people.


Again, kollel. Sof mayse.


Need I mention that men NEVER get nidah? Or accidentally pregnant?
These are things to think about.

Plus, nothing says HOT like a big hairy streimel - which ought to please all of you Gallitziyaners!

You’re the epitome of geshmak.


Who knew?
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The above was written by the Rabam, rosheshiva of Yeshiva Chipass Emess West Coast.

For more verter, perhaps you should subscribe to the riezige shiurim of Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein with the commentary of the Rabam. It's a suggestion. Mamesh.

The most dangerous phrase in Talmudic studies is probably "dude, we're getting the Yeshiva back together!"

In other news: the birthday of the Rabam this year is marked by violence with willows.

HWAET! GODEFROY CHAUCERE HATH A BLOGGE!

Discovered a brilliant blog, immediately worth listing on my blog-roll.

To whit:
http://houseoffame.blogspot.com/


The second from the first posting was this:

abbreviaciouns
Oh newfanglenesse! Y have learned the privitees of the manye abbreviaciouns ywritten on the internette. OMG: "oh mine ++DOMINUS++". ROFL: "rollinge on the floore laughinge". IRL: "in reale lyfe." WTF: "whatte the swyve?"

Beinge somethinge of an innovator myselfe, Y presente to yow, churles and gentils alle, the followynge abbreviaciouns. May they serven yow welle in your internette communicacioun:
GP: gentil person
WC: woole customes
XC: Exchequer
BATJG: biggere arsehole thanne john gowere
BSL!: by seinte loy!
OTPBRB: Offe to parliamente, be ryghte back
SNAPFU - BYXCA: supposedely nyce annuitie paymente fuckede uppe by the XC againe
KRBMA: Kynge Richarde II buggynge me againe
AOMSHJDOTBD: anothere of myne servauntes hath just dyede of the blacke death
EISBYMIWATCHDNSTHD: eftsoon I shall be ycleped mad if worke atte the customes house doth not settle the helle downe


Should the authors of this blog attempt a version of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner? I think so. And so do you. Go ahead and tell them so.


NOTE 1. The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor "Old Blatherskite" Coleridge can be viewed here: http://www.personal.psu.edu/users/r/m/rmp5006/rime/rime.html , but remember, it doesn't come in any flavour, it's a bleeding seabird.]

NOTE 2. It was E-kvetcher (http://search-for-emes.blogspot.com/) who in a recent posting brought 'Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog to my attention.

A gitte, gebentshte shabbes, y'all.

DEMO - SF, SEPT. 7, 2006

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ACTION ALERT REMINDER


Counter Protest Anti-Israel demonstration outside CityHall
Downtown San Francisco, Civic Center Plaza (Polk St.between Grove and McAllister)
Thursday, September 7th, 3:30-5 PM


The American Friends Service Committee(AFSC) are calling for a “Interfaith Silent Vigil” to demand that Israel “End the occupation and all violence” as aprecondition for a secure Israel.
AFSC oftenadvocates for peace, but in the Arab-Israeli conflict they stand shoulder to shoulder with those who advocate the destruction of Israel. Like other demonizers of Israel, they blame Israel for all attacks against it, claiming in true “blame the victim” fashion that all violence against Israel is solely the fault of Israel’s actions in perpetrating“occupation and violence.”


As always, StandWithUs/San Francisco Voice for Israel will counter the anti-Israel propaganda, misinformation, and distortions. Even if you can comefor just a few minutes, please add your voice to thepro-Israel demonstration so that our enemies know that even when they try to keep us away by holding eventsduring the workday, we will still be there!


As AFSC is promising a "silent vigil," we ask that you refrain from loud shouting or noisily confronting the other side unless their "vigil" becomes less "silent."



StandWithUs/San Francisco Voice for Israel
www.SFVoiceForIsrael.org
www.StandWithUs.com

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This blog urges you to go - the times are inconvenient, yes, which unfortunately means that whoever does show up will be outnumbered by the other side. If you can be there, please do attend. Thank you.

THE QUESTION IS WHAT?

The Exgodolhador has a question.

[Which can be read here: http://extremegh.blogspot.com/2006/09/kuzari-proof-it-works.html]

In the posting linked above, the XGH brings up the Kuzari proof and the counter arguments.


The Kuzari proof is, according to Wikipedia:
"that a story such as that of the Sinai revelation must have originated with a real event or have been introduced at some later moment. In the latter case, the population will have been able to infer its falsehood merely from their lack of prior knowledge of the claim. Therefore, according to this logic, the story can only have been introduced at a time when the population knew it to be true from their own observation." [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kuzari]


XGH formulates it thusly:
"The story of Sinai is so huge - 600,000 males (approx 2.5 million people) all experiencing God’s revelation (in some fashion)- that it could not have been made up and then accepted by the public -- a further argument for this proof is that no other religion has such an origin story. All the other religions start with a revelation to a small group of people, or just one ‘prophet’. If a mass revelation story is easy to fabricate, then why didn’t every other religion start such a story? The fact that there are no parallels shows that such a story could not be ‘sold’ unless it was actually true."


It is evident from his subsequent text that XGH veers towards a rejection of the Kuzari proof as an argument for Torah mi Sinai.


To quote again: "On my previous blog I came to the conclusion that since there was no way to know any of this for sure, the only possible option is ‘shev ve’al taaseh’ (*). But this just leads to paralysis, and isn’t very practical when your kids are about to start 15+ years of Jewish education. So, we have to come up with something.
The question is, what?"


That's a good question.


In many ways it is the question that informs most of the J-blogs I read, and it partially explains both how I discovered the Judeo blogs and why I blog.


The answer I left in the comments on his posting is this:
"There is truth in Judaism. It is up to you to find it. It will take your entire life to do so. Start now. You may not succeed - there are no guarantees. You will be a better person for trying - which is probably the point of the tradition in the first place. You need not finish the task, neither may you abstain."


[I'll define Judaism in this context as Abrahamic monotheism, neither Gnostic nor Trinitarian, with as key documents Torah, Nach, Mishna, Gemara, and with shtarke denkers from Chazal through the Geonim, Rishonim, Acharonim, et al.]


Readers, I would like your thoughts.

Please discuss, debate, dispute, and above all comment - comment - comment.





Feel free to be mechazek my emunah (b'ezras Hashem if so), or not (equally b'ezras Hashem).

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(*) Shev ve al taaseh = sitting and not doing; abstaining from a course of action.

LO TELECH RACHIL B'AMEICHA

['Do not go as a talebearer among your people' - Seifer Vayikra, Parshas Kedoshim, Psook 19;16]


Sometime in February, the Godolhador wrote on his blog: " I also expect that most mature people realize that when I call someone a 'raving lunatic' I mean it in the best possible way, with oodles and oodles of love and kisses and hugs and affirmation and empathy etc. OK, maybe one or two times there was the slightest hint of a speculation of a teensy weensy bit of annoyance on my part. For that I sincerely apologize, and I promise never ever to do it again until next time."


Very well then. I do not want leprosy.


So let me clarify that when in my previous posting I referred to Anja Meulenbelt and Greta Duisenberg as "neurotic swamp-trull gorgons", I meant it positively, in the best possible way, with sheer bucket-loads of supportive love and respect for their points of view. Really. I fully support their rights to be anti-Semitic harpies if it makes them finally feel good about themselves. Yes.


Also, when I wrote that Anja Meulenbelt "is monumentally frustrated that not everyone worships her gand, so she's getting rid of her bile in the only way she can - by squawking and scratching", this was entirely speculative.

There is actually no conclusive evidence.

It seems a reasonable supposition

But it may not be her gand that itches. It could be another part of her anatomy.

EYCH NASHIR ET SHIR ADONOI AL ADMAT NECHAR?

According to an article in Arutz Sheva ('channel seven' - an Israeli news source with a pronounced settler bias), things have heated up a bit in Golus (exile).

Arutz Sheva specifically mentions Britain, Australia, and Canada.

Judging by the venom I have been reading in Dutch for the past several weeks [examples: "rassenzuivering" (ethnic cleansing) "pure haat" (pure hate) "een brute oneerlijke strijd" (a brutal dishonest military campaign) "gelegaliseerd terrorisme" (legalized terrorism) "Haat-hebbende Joden" (hateful Jews)], I suspect that the main reason Arutz Sheva mentions Britain, Australia, and Canada, is because these are English speaking nations and reports from these areas are more transparent - and that there will be similar reports from the rest of 'civilization' once the data percolates out of Dutch, French, German - all the other European languages.



Here in the Bay Area (bastion of liberalism and all that good stuff) I've been told that "there has been bloodshed in the Middle East as long as there have been Jews", and "it's always about Jews, isn't it - not even one percent of the world's population, but every day it's you people". And other sweet things.

Bear in mind that I am cautious about whom I talk to, and what I talk about.

The past month and a half have been incredibly bad PR.

The perception is that 'big bad Israel brutally picked on poor tiny defenseless Lebanon, barely recovered from the Lebanese civil war which was caused by Israel'.
[Never mind that size-wise Israel is tiddly, Hezbollah started the fracass and had been supplied by and was a front for Syria and Iran, Lebanon's civil war was caused by the PLO, and Syria pulls most of the strings in Lebanon - facts and publicity are, alas, not the same thing.]

During the height of recent hostilities, a poll in the Netherlands showed that only one third of the Dutch supported Israel, and nearly one fifth supported Hezbollah.

Let me repeat that: In a country which had been firmly pro-Israel, only one out of every three people are still pro-Israel (probably the older generation), and one out of every five people now back a terrorist organization that has killed 241 Americans, several thousand Christians, several thousand Muslims, and several hundred Israelis. One out of every five dumb-ass Kaaskoppen hopes that a bunch of murderous thugs will triumph.


Okay, I realize that that is typical emotional "enlightened" backing of a perceived underdog, combined with absolutely gut-wrenching ignorance.

I doubt that knowing that will be much comfort to many Dutch Jews. Or Dutch supporters of Israel.

There is too much gleeful (or is baleful a better word) borrowing from old habits and ideas when speaking about Jews and the Middle-East. Too much hateful idiocy.

The phrase "Falastin baladna w'al Yahud kalabna" (Palestine is our land, and the Jews are our dogs) showed up on the weblog of a Dutch member of parliament in July (in the comments, but Anja Meulenbelt removes comments she disagrees with - it was still there several weeks after people had complained and she was apprised of its meaning).

[Note I: The comment mentioned above on the weblog of Anja Meulenbelt is the fourth one underneath the posting here: http://anjameulenbelt.sp.nl/weblog/2006/07/16/bij-elkaar-in-woede/#comments.
Anja Meulenbelt's blog is here: http://anjameulenbelt.sp.nl/weblog/. Most of it is in Dutch, most of it is pro-Palestinian propaganda.
What can I say? The Dutch left-wing is anti-Semitic (yes, I know all the hackneyed old assertions that one should be able to criticize Israel without being accused of anti-Semitism - I've heard you folks for years, and I no longer accept that crap), the Dutch Socialist Party is utterly reprehensible in that regard, and Anja Meulenbelt is monumentally frustrated that not everyone worships her gand, so she's getting rid of her bile in the only way she can - by squawking and scratching.]

[Note II: That phrase was first recorded when the mobs rampaged through the Jewish quarter in Hebron in 1929. It cropped up periodically since then, especially in the circles of the Mufti and his followers. It has resurged. I have heard it yelled during demonstrations, and applauded by Berkeleyites.]

The discourse, such as it is, is diseased.

I really have to wonder if much of the rest of the "civilized world" has managed to avoid infection, whether there is a difference between urban Europe and the small towns and villages, and whether any of the European governments has come right out and said that they will not tolerate extremist positions or anti-Semitism.

Being a pessimist, I rather fear not.


Extract of article below, plus link.

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Anti-Semitic Hate Wave Rolls Across Britain and Australia Wednesday, September 6, 2006 / 13 Elul 5766

The month of July was one of the worst, in terms of anti-Semitism, in both England and Australia. In Canada, as well, Jewish leaders are concerned.

TheAge.com in Australia reports that anti-Semitism is on the rise across university campuses in the country. Grahame Leonard, the president of the Executive Council of Australian Jewry, says July had the most anti-Semitic incidents - no fewer than 141 - since records began in 1945. Never before had there been more than some 90. The July attacks included phone calls, hate e-mails and graffiti, as well as violent incidents - with the big jump being on campuses in Victoria.

-------[cut]-------

In Britain, as well, The Times of London reports that attacks on Jews have soared, and that even the national government has taken notice. On Thursday, an all-party parliamentary inquiry will state that anti-Semitic violence has become endemic in Britain, both on the streets and university campuses. The report will call for urgent action from the Government, the police and educational establishments.

-------[cut]-------

There have been several attacks in various Jewish neighborhoods in London of late. In one incident last month, a Jewish restaurant in Golders Green was targeted by two young men who threw chairs, punched workers and threatened to kill the owner, Ruth Cohen, with a knife. In Hampstead Garden Suburb, swastikas and the words "Allah" and "Kill all Jews" were daubed on the house and car of a local Jewish doctor.

More recently, a 12-year-old Jewish girl was stomped upon and brutally kicked on a public bus in London. Accosted and asked if she was Jewish, she replied, "I'm English." Unimpressed, four girls, accompanied by three boys, then pushed her to the floor, stomped on her face and repeatedly kicked her.

http://www.israelnationalnews.com/news.php3?id=111514

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APPENDIX:

Anja Meulenbelt is not the only anti-Semitic Harpy in the Netherlands, surely you remember Mrs. Gretta Duisenberg?

Let me refresh your ire, by quoting the woman.

Gretta, talking about the abduction of the soldiers: "Ik keur die ontvoeringen goed. Dit is hun (Hezbollah) enige manier om gevangenen vrij te krijgen. Wat me razend maakt is dat Nederland nu geen troepen wil sturen omdat ze bang zijn een jood te raken."
[Translation: 'I approve of the abductions, this is the only way to get prisoners released. What infuriates me is that the Netherlands doesn't want to send troops now because they're scared of hitting a Jew'.]

Gretta, talking about Hamas notable Osama Hamdan: "Wat een vriendelijke man, hè? Je hoort gewoon dat hij meent wat hij zegt. Israeli’s daarentegen liegen altijd. Dat zie je aan die koppen. Schoften zijn het."
[Translation: 'What a friendly man, eh? You can just hear that he means what he says. Israelis, on the other hand, always lie. You can tell that from their heads - they're scum. ']


Lest you think that it is only neurotic swamp-trull gorgons getting their soiled knickers in a twist or spewing slime, here's ex-ambassador Jan Wijenberg talking about the recent conflict: "...Israel is een terreurstaat en dit is het bewijs".
[Translation: 'Israel is a terrorist state, and this is proof'.]


Both Mrs. Duisenberg and ambassador Wijenberg are leaders in the PPMS, a Dutch pro-Palestinian organization.

DVORIM MIN HALEIV

Note: This posting wil meander a bit, as it weaves several related themes, and is explanatory rather than having a clear set of conclusions. Please feel free to skip it, and go directly to the naked monkey evolution pictures. If you're that way inclined. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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Good words that go out from the heart, enter the heart - Dvorim hayotzim min haleiv, nichnasim haleiv

ALSO when they are written words.

The history of a bookish people proves that. Abundantly.


My grammar school years were at a tiny non-denominational public school right next door to an immense Catholic school where good little Katolikim learned from the monks that everyone else was going to hell.
Protestantim, in their schools, learned the same, from severe and unyielding blinkerbrains.
Our school was not thus.
Many of the students at our school came from less privileged families. The others came from a heretical and unaffiliated milieu, or from the three or four Jewish families in town.
In our school, heaven and hell were NOT mentioned as part of the curriculum. If our classmates learned about those two destinations, it was either from their home and religious environment outside of school hours, or, remarkably, from their classmates.


Judging by how many kids told us (the Heretical, Unaffiliated or Jewish - hereafter referred to as HUJ) that we were going to hell, heaven must be jam-packed with self-satisfied little shits.[Note: Since returning to the US, the only time I am told that I'm going to hell is when I turn on the telly. Perhaps that has something to do with living in San Francisco, where we're all going to hell. Well, the six out of every seven here who are HUJ. The rest voted for Bush.]


When our pious classmates weren't informing us of the hellish fate that awaited all the HUJ, they often told us that our salvation and future material welfare would be based entirely on begging Jayziz for mercy.

I think they wanted us to start doing that while they watched. We must've disappointed them, and I don't think they have ever forgiven us.


Which makes it strange that subsequently, in high school, while everybody else was getting failing grades in the religion course (a required subject, nota bene!), I and the other HUJ breezed through with top marks. A subject with much reading, and many recommended texts.

[What was high school religion class? Mostly Torah, less Nach, nearly no Christian Subsequentia - plus a very superficial overview of related traditions, somewhat in-depth on the history of the Holy Land and the social / cultural environment. Background on the Babylonian, Persian, Greek, and Roman periods, and the intellectual environment of the time. Some of us even ended up with the Pentateuch memorized, in the old-fashioned Dutch of the Staten Bijbel translation. Unfortunately, no Rashi. I do not think that Rabbi Shlomo Yitzhaki has been translated into Dutch yet.]


Reading may be better than having the received interpretation drummed in after all

Dvorim hayotzim min hasefer, nichnasim hasechel.


My parents instilled in me that scripture is a major part of one's education and cultural foundation. Treat it as literature, treat it as one of the major building blocks of civilization, treat it as a guide for the perplexed, treat it as part of the web and woof of the Western subconscious. Do not treat it as cast in bronze, set in stone, or revealed certainty. If you do, the text can no longer be argued, and an interactive personal understanding of the material is well nigh impossible.

This approach can be perhaps best be thought of as less a family minhag than a response to environment.

My family represents several generations of recovering Dutch Calvinists, Scottish Presbyterians, and a few rogue Anglicans - mostly with a pathological dislike for preachers, priests, and organized religion.
And, fittingly, several fine Tanachic names - Abraham Isaacsen, Isaac Abrahamsen, Isaac Isaacsen, Jacob Isaacsen, Selah Abrahamsen, Nathan, Ezekiel, Zacharias, and others.
[Note: Selah was my great-great grandfather, the various Isaacs and Abrahams and others lived in the seventeenth, eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. It could be said that most of them at the very least veered into HUJ territory, when they weren't energetically disobeying other societally imposed rules.]


I believe my mother may have had the same distaste for spontaneous freeform prayers (which are much favoured by fundies) that she had for amateurish free-verse. I have inherited that distaste, and added to it - public prayer strikes me as too much like group sex, especially when it is evident that some participants adhere to that odd tripartite conception of the divine (one does not willingly take part in idolatrous rituals, even if only as an unwilling witness).

There are appropriate times and places for ritual, and if one is not 'there and then', such things should be kept to oneself.

BOTERKOEK - BUTTER CAKE

This pastry is typically Dutch, and one that many people either remember fondly after emmigrating, or rediscover with surprise and joy when going back for the first time - a taste they forgot, and had not realized was so deeply planted in their sense-memory of the Netherlands. It is very easy to make.


On trips to the Hague I always visited an elderly "aunt" who lived there during the seventies. At that time she took care of her sister, whose mental capacities where somewhat diminished, both of them living in an upstairs apartment on a shaded street the name of which I cannot remember.

Both sisters (and their brother, who lived in Amsterdam and later in Den Bosch) were Indos - Indies Dutch - which meant, in their case, that they were of almost entirely of non-Dutch extraction except for a distant ancestor, being Hokkien mixed with bits of much else, from a town on the eastern coast of Borneo, facing the straits, and Celebes over the horizon.

Like many Indies Dutch they had been educated in schools in Java, held Dutch nationality, spoke wrote and thought Dutch fluently, and had been marginalized by the independence of the Dutch East Indies in 1948. Between 1947 and 1962 they and various relatives left the land of their birth, for the homeland they had never seen.

When aunt Ietje had lived in Brabant, her younger sister Nietje was teaching school up somewhere in Friesland or Groningen, and the older brother Kees worked as an engineer in Amsterdam. Both would come down sometimes to visit. Which was an occassion for feasting on dishes with exotic names - gule ika (whole fish in a coconut-curry), rudjak (spicy salty sour salad), ebere (fatty meat and bamboo shoots in coconut milk), maengguri manok (chicken seethed in coconut cream with chilies and garlic), saoto (complex soup of many ingredients), with nasi kunit (festive yellow rice). And almond or peanut dudol.
For Indos, when someone comes to visit, it is time to eat (what am I saying - it is always time to eat!), and nearby relatives and friends (or their classmates at the local grammar school) are expected to come by and partake. It was a very good age.

In the seventies, Ietje started having episodes in which she would remember the camps, and stare off into space for hours on end. Old age, and the mental short-circuits which accompany it, were beginning to interfere with her ability to function at a constant level of awareness. It was decided that the sisters would both move to Den Haag (the Hague) to be with other Indos of that generation, and nearer an up-to-date care facility. Nietje took over cooking and other domestic tasks in the apartment they shared, and a long slow twilight set in.

I visited them several times in the five years before I returned to the States. Nietje would inquire about the folks in Brabant, and bring out coffee with hot milk and cinnamon, and a big wedge of boterkoek.


BOTERKOEK

One and three quarters cup of flour.
One cup of sugar.
Three quarters of a cup of butter.
One large egg, yolk and white separated.
A pinch of salt.
A pinch of dry ginger.
A teaspoon or so of almond extract.

About a quarter cup of sliced almonds for garnish, and a little butter for greasing the pan.


Cream the butter and sugar together. Mix in the egg yolk and almond extract, then add the flour, salt, and dry ginger. Knead to a crumbly dough - do not overwork it.
Grease a shallow pan or pyrex dish. Press the dough into the pan - it should be between an inch and an inch and a half thick. Brush the surface with the egg-white, which you have beaten beforehand. Strew the almonds over and press down slightly.

Bake in a preheated oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for no more than twenty five minutes. The result will be firm on the outside, still soft within, dense and buttery. Let it cool before eating.

XGH - NEW BLOG - CHUMASH

This will be baffling if you haven't been paying attention.


The GodolHador is back (http://extremegh.blogspot.com/), he admits that he is married to Dovbear(http://dovbear.blogspot.com/), and he needs to go on vacation (see http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/04/jelly-fruit-and-coconut-macaroons.html and http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/04/eighty-degrees-leather-and-too-many.html).


Mazzel tov on your marriage, you two. You were meant for each other.

STEW FROM NORTH CAROLINA

I was planning to leave the bar after only one drink, so Archie could close early, but a couple came in, and almost immediately started providing entertainment.
A him and a dirty blondish her, both very khoosh, and not from liquor.


She asked Archie if he knew how to French braid, then asked me the same. And did anyone have any lipliner? She jerkily marched up and down the length of the bar, twitching. She wanted to sing karaoke. And recharge her cell phone. Why couldn't she recharge the phone, was there no recharger? Really? And how come neither of us knew how to French braid? For heavensakes!


With an air of authority she informed no-one in particular that California was like totally great! But it couldn't beat North Carolina! Where she came from! She was a stewardess! Her boy friend was from southern California! And didn't know how to French braid either! Everything she said was emphatic - even the questions.


Archie put another drink in front of her, and she asked him if she had already asked him about French braiding. Then she knocked her drink over and grabbed the karaoke catalogue.


Gonna sing now.


As she and her boyfriend sang, I ordered another whiskey and water. This was good. Better than TV.


Archie and I gave each other 'that' look, grinning, while those two slaughtered 'proud Mary' ("...Proud Mary um mumble mumble! Turning um eh ummm! Proud, um New Orleans, yeah? Keep it, keep uh...").


Proud Mary ain't never gonna 'roll' again after that rendition - even walking again might be outta the question.


Another customer wandered in after the song. The blonde asked him three separate times if he knew how to French braid.... he hurriedly finished his drink and left.


She went out to smoke - and we heard her hollering down the stairs at someone about lipliner. She came back in and asked me about French braiding, as if the question had only! just! then! popped into her head.


Then she had a brief, savage spat with her boyfriend over the song-catalogue.
She whopped him with it.
Hard.


They began another song. With the first strains of 'these boots are made for walking', I finished my drink and headed out into the fog. As the music grew faint behind me, I distinctly heard the words 'lipliner' over her boyfriend's dull mumbling of the lyrics.


Karaoke is a marvelous invention. Totally.


==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

CUSTELBRAN 365

Food.
Sweet.
A simple custard.



One of the dishes which the British took with them wherever they went, as the imperialist power of their age, was caramel custard - a simple, unassuming little sweet which they really thought that they, and they alone, had invented.

Which was certainly not the case. It seems rather Iberian, much like many other sweet dishes composed of eggs and sugar. And cane sugar was unknown to Europeans until the Arabs introduced it to them.
Prior to the colonial age, Europeans got their cane sugar from Sicily, Southern Spain, and the Arab traders in the Levant. So it is more than likely that caramel custard was made in Spain ages before the English even heard of it.


Europeans introduced caramel custard to Latin America and the Caribbean, India (where during the British Period it was often called 365 - because the khidmatkar would make it 365 days of the year), and the Philippines, where it has pretty much become the national dessert.


Now skip forward four centuries - The best Caramel Custard in the Bay Area can be found in Philippino eateries. But it tastes even better if you make it at home. Especially during winter.



CARAMEL CUSTARD (LECHE FLAN)
[This recipe makes enough for one or two normal people, or four-plus cholesterol conscious health-nuts. Double it as appropriate. ]

One egg.
One egg yolk.
One cup heavy cream, heated to more than blood temperature.
Two TBS sugar.
Pinch salt.
Pinches cinnamon and nutmeg or mace.
Dash vanilla.
Dash Scotch whiskey.

For the caramel crust: more sugar.


In a metal or pyrex mixing bowl which is significantly larger than the volume of all the ingredients, mix the egg and egg yolk. Add sugar, salt, spices, vanilla, whiskey. Slowly add the warm cream, while stirring briskly. When the sugar is entirely dissolved, place the vessel containing the mixture inside a larger vessel with warm water to surround the custard bowl up to the level of the custard mixture (bain-Marie) and bake in a preheated oven at 325 degrees (Fahrenheit) for 45 minutes.

Remove the custard from oven.

While it cools, heat four TBS sugar in the deep ladle from the wok-set your aunt Murgatroyd gave you ten years ago but which you haven't used in nine years and eleven months. The sugar will melt, turn transparent, and caramelize. Stir with a long cocktail spoon or icetea spoon to ensure an even melting. Be careful doing this - melted sugar is extremely hot and can cause some nasty burns. When it has reached the desired level of caramelization (dark red brown) , pour it quickly over the custard in a circular motion. Tilt the bowl to coat the entire surface. Let it cool completely before serving.

If you use heavy whipping cream to make the custard, it makes a marvelous topping for freshly baked pie.

Especially pecan pie, with a buttery, flaky crust.

Note that any partially burnt sugar deposits on the ladle will be difficult to remove - but traces of same promote caramelization the next time you use the ladle for that purpose.


Bon gusto y'all.



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

NEDERLANDSCHE RHETORIEK - TIEN REGELS

[What follows are ten rules for argumentation with the Dutch. It is also in Dutch - a translation will be posted later. Abide for now.]



1. Vorm een mening op basis van veronderstelde feiten. Laat die mening een eigen leven leiden, en beinvloeden welke volgende veronderstelde feiten men aksepteren zal, welke men negeert. De gevormde mening word intussen als feitelijk aangezien. De veronderstelde feiten waar alles op rust worden nimmer onder de loep genomen, temeer daar zo een beschouwing de basis van de inmiddels gevarmde meningsstelsel teniet zou doen.

2. Aksepteer niet of nauwelijks kritiek, vooral als die kritiek de eigen veronderstellingen niet ondersteunt.

3. Aksepteer niet of nauwelijks tegenspraak of contra-argument, vooral als dat de eigen veronderstellingen niet ondersteunt.

4. Neem aan dat eigen mening immer verantwoord is, en dat andere meningen, in zoverre als die afwijken van het eigene, niet de moeite van het discussieren waard zijn (alhoewel deze wel degelijk tegengesproken moeten worden). De eigen mening is natuurlijk rationeel, tegenstellende mening is gebaseerd op foutieve feiten en emoties

5. Vorm mening op basis van emotie. Vorm emotie op basis van die mening. Houd aan dat men neutraal is, het zijn gewoon de feiten.

6. Vorm mening op basis van vooroordelen. Vorm emotie op basis van die mening. Houd aan dat men neutraal is, het zijn gewoon de feiten.

7. Verander of vervorm punt van discussie als men het niet eens is met een mening, zodanig dat men iemand kan uitsluiten of negeren. Een discussie is alleen de moeite waard met gelijkdenkenden - afwijkers hebben echt niets bij te dragen.

8. Leugens die de eigen mening ondersteunen zijn nauwelijks minder dan feiten. Zolang er een greintje waarheid in zit, is het veel beter dan de pure waarheid, want het past in de algevormde meningsstelsel, en kan rhetorisch van beter nut wezen dan ongelakte feiten.

9. Wie tegenspreekt moet kritiek aanvaarden; zulk kritiek geld als bewijs van het foutief denken van de tegenspreker, want ware er niets te kritizeren zou hij mischien toch gelijk kunnen hebben. Is er iets mis met iemand die een afwijkende mening heeft, dan is alles mis.

10. Handel, ten alle tijden, in de veronderstelling dat eigen mening het vooruitstrevende en geavanceerde vertegenwoordigen, en dat ieder weldenkend mens dat zowel herkent als nastreeft. Dienovereenkomstig mag men afwijkende meningen te spot zetten, daar deze slechts achterlijkheid, onduidelijkheid en ja zelfs euvel naar voren brengen.

DANCING RABBIS!

It's getting mighty close to New Year's......

Which can mean only one thing......



CHABAD TELETHON !



[Ooh... dancing rabbis! Dancing rabbis rule, dude! Righteous!]


The telethon, as everyone knows, benefits West-Coast Chabad's various programs, raising money for a lot of really worthwile things.

"Like what?" I hear you ask.


Well, how about non-denominational drug addiction treatment?
That alone ought to get your money flowing. When someone is trying to kick a destructive addiction, the absolute last thing they need is some self-righteous poohag lecturing them about Jayzits or Buddha, and trying to get them to convert to. the. one. true. religion. oh. joy. you-za. gonna. git. SAYYVED. now! boy. [This seems logical, but you'de be surprised how many do-gooders don't understand this.]


Chabad's other stuff is good too - even if you don't agree with them, and feel uncomfortable about the sometimes Artscrollish shmaltzy cottoncandy version of Judaism that they project.


Who else is gonna get kosher le Peysach matzes to groups of Yidden in the weirdest corners of golus?
Who else actively seeks to reintegrate third generation apikorsim from Russia back into the tribe?
Who else will help an elderly alcoholic clean up his life?



You know they do good stuff. And they do it because its the right thing to do. So why not dump some money on them? Like, right now. Klick here:
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=186922&lis=1&kntae186922=7A3A47A140954AF682D693ED2BFC5216&supId=145310462


Go on, click.

You know you want to.

It's a mitzvah.


Why haven't you clicked there yet? What's stopping you? What are you waiting for? Yes, you - I'm talking to someone else perhaps? I mean you. Click now. Donate. Go on. Please.
You don't want to donate so much? Dude, even a couple of bucks is worthwhile. You say you already donate to many other worthwhile causes? That's great, beautiful, I am so proud of you, and one more ain't gonna hurt.

Go on, click on that link. Don't do it for me, do it for yourself. You'll be glad you did. It will make you feel all warm to donate. If you want to do it for me, that's fine too, really, I wouldn't object - I just want you to plonk some of your hard-earned money where it hurts. Click on that link. The need exists, the good causes won't go away, yes they will always be there to tempt you into another donation (click on that link already), but really, what's the harm in that? A few dollars gonna kill you?
Fer hevvins aches, donate. Now. Don't wait.

Click the link.

Thank you.

A MEME OF SHINY THINGS

In a comment under a posting (http://boroparkpyro.blogspot.com/2006/08/into-woods.html) carved on the Goblin King's cavernwalls (http://boroparkpyro.blogspot.com/), the Knitter of shiny things (blog: http://stillinthewoods.blogspot.com/) said:
"Steg-
Perhaps you should post a warning sign on the entrance to my neck of the woods: "Beware of kfira...and cats, if you're allergic. No swimming in the miqva'ot unless a lifeguard is on duty." :-p
Maybe we all should have warnings on our blogs. I see the making of an awesome meme. "

Excellent.

Proposed MEME:

1. What warning would you have on your blog for the unsuspecting?
If you stay here long enough you will gain weight.

2. Why do you think they need to be warned?
Food is a recurring theme.

3. What does that say about them?
Grazing here suggests that they're either omnivorous, or gluttons. And they probably like cheese doodles.

4. And who else should put up a warning?
Dovbear, GodolHador, Margabriel, Lipman, Misnaged..... Oh what the heck - pretty much everybody I read. Blogs piss people off. Not all the time, not everybody. But if you come through the bloggojungle unscathed you were probably dead to begin with.


I tag Steg, Knitter of Shiny things, CousinOliver, and the Godol Hador..... yes, I know, he had a warning on his erstwhile excellent blog - but he can post this on Dovbear's blog (http://dovbear.blogspot.com/) , seeing as he now posts there - it will kill two flies with one pie.

VICIOUS CHRISTIAN NUTBALLS

Jackie Mason is suing the Jay Fer Jays over a pamphlet.


Extract from the AP article:

Saying he's "as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami," Jackie Mason filed a lawsuit against Jews for Jesus for using his name and likeness in a pamphlet.
The $2 million lawsuit seeks the immediate destruction of the pamphlet, which members of the missionary group have been handing out at various points around New York City.
"While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami," the 75-year-old comedian said in documents filed in state Supreme Court in Manhattan."


Of course this isn't the first time Jackie Mason has been involved in something faintly (hugely) putrid - he made some comments about Islam that can only be considered incendiary (contradicting our beloved leader, who called Islam a 'religion of peace'), and he's also made some remarks about blacks that were quite the opposite of complimentary.

There have been times when he has been wrong, yes.


But what has justifiably got his knickers in a twist is that his face is in a Jay Fer Jay pamphlet, next to the words "Jackie Mason ... A Jew for Jesus!?"


The suggestion that anyone is a Jew for Jayzits is vicious and slanderous...... ghastly barely describes it. Kinda like a mogen Dovid on one side of an equals sign, and Nazi emblem on the other side. It's like gossip that someone is related to Henry VIII.

No wonder he's angry. He should be. He should sue the pants offa those bozos. He should sue for damages and trauma. Take 'em to the cleaners.


Oh, you ask "what about peace and love, acceptance and tolerance, and all the rest of that stuff?"

Those are all good things, yes, and even here they apply.

As legal concepts.


I tolerate Jews for Jayzits, I do not advocate banning them.

I would refuse to sit at the same table with them, or any one who fell for their depraved and ridiculous cult (though I would pay good money for the entertainment of seeing them at the same table as ArtScroll), and I consider anyone who walks into their trap as being a soul lost forever.... poor little priceless Yiddishe neshamas be damned, if they got suckered into that demented cult they were hopeless little moronic nutzoids to begin with (though evenso, deprogramming is probably justified).


But I tolerate JayferJay. I am legally required to do so. Which is a good thing. The fact that so insane a bunch of crackpots can spew their nonsense protects the rest of us. I tolerate them.

That stops at slander.


-----------------------------------------------

ADDENDUM:

Why do I consider Jews fer Jayzits crazier than any other creed, cult, or ideology?

Because if you believe in Jayzits, yer a Christian.
If you do not believe in Jayzits, you ain't.
The term 'Jews for Jezus' is a falsehood.

There ain't no such critter as a Jew who believes in Jayzits. Anybody who keeps all mitzvos except that one about "no other gods" is not a Jew, but someone with inexplicable personal habits.
Once you've accepted Jayzits as your close, personal, and totally imaginary friend, there is utterly no further reason for obeying the taryag mitzvos.

[At that point there are several very good reasons for seeking psychiatric help.... surely as an adult you know that imaginary friends are problematic? And that the big white bunny rabbit with the bowtie isn't really following you around? You do know you're stark raving bonkers, don't you? Haven't your few remaining friends already told you so?]


What I also find repulsive about the JayferJay crowd is that they are directed by and funded by missionary outreach organizations with scarcely anyone of any certifiable Jewish background. It's false advertising. It's like calling Hezbollah a social welfare organization. It hides the evil agenda within under a smiling veneer of chicken soup.



As a final note, suggesting that Rabbi Hyman Krustofski, father of Krusty the Clown, is not a mensh but a madman is hideously offensive.

MISCELLANEOUS GLEANINGS 08/25/06

Do I need to know that it has been pre-authed.?


I'm sorry, I cannot answer so existential a question this early - angst, angst, angst.

Despair. Gloom. A cold dark universe. Harsh reality. The jungle is cannibalistic.

This order, for this customer with a name based on bourgeois denial of the suffering of the proletariat in a post-modern construct, has been released. Its deeper enslavement however is not addressed by its utterly superficial and meaningless new freedom - Matt will "pick" it, and consign it to its fate. Oh inevitability, oh woe.

I wonder if there's any more cheese.

------------------------

Everybody looks better with the right clothing.
See here:
http://home.paonline.com/mikehoov/Special_Features/Turban/Constructing_The_Perfect_Turban.htm
And click on instructions.

------------------------

Sægde se þe cuþe
frumsceaft fira feorran reccan,
cwæð þæt se Ælmihtiga eorðan worhte,
wlitebeorhtne wang, swa wæter bebugeð,
gesette sigehreþig sunnan ond monan
leoman to leohte landbuendum,
ond gefrætwade foldan sceatas
leomum ond leafum, lif eac gesceop
rynna gehwylcum þara ðe cwice hwyrfaþ.

-----Halfdane