Tuesday, January 16, 2018


Like many people, I like the cuisines that immigrants bring to this country. And in all honesty many of them cook nearly as well as English people, why, their dexterity with curry is remarkable. But we're getting rather full up, and my cousin Bob is running out of space for his broken-down pick-up trucks, wives, and kids, and if 'those people' start acquiring American habits, the incidence of drunk driving will skyrocket.
We can't have that.

Coors prices will go up.

So I propose putting a crimp on migration from certain regrettable parts of the world -- not Norway -- in order to better manage our population and prevent nasty outbreaks of news or literacy. Among other problems.
We don't need any of that going on here in America.

Besides, we've already got their recipe.


Two cups long grain rice.
Two cups chicken stock.
One small onion, chopped.
One can of tomatoes (more or less two cups).
One or two Habanero chilies.
Four TBS tomato paste.
A bouillon cube.
One Tsp. dried shrimp powder.
One Tsp. salt.
Very generous pinches dried thyme and curry powder.
Small pinches nutmeg, cinnamon, clove.
Minced fresh ginger (non-normative, optional).

Parboil the rice. Drain, rinse under cold water, set aside.
Empty the can of tomatoes into the blender, dump in the Habanero chilies, and whir smooth.

Saute the onion in a deep pot till translucent. Add the tomato and pepper puree, plus fresh ginger if using, stir to incorporate, and cook for about five minutes. Put in the tomato paste, crumble the bouillon cube into the pot, stir, and add the shrimp powder, salt, and pinched spices. Cook for another several minutes.
When the oil starts rising to the top, take nearly half of the resultant goo out of the pot and set it aside, but leave in the onion. Add the stock to the pot, simmer a bit. Mix in the parboiled rice, and add water as needed so that there is liquid on top.
Put it on a low flame (use a heat-protector), and let the rice absorb the moisture for about fifteen minutes. When it's dry on top, mix in the reserved goo, and let it cook about five minutes longer.
It is done.

The reason why you remove some tomato stew when adding the rice is to prevent burning, and to allow the right texture to develop.

Stuff you can add on top: Fried peanuts, hardboiled egg, tinned sardines in tomato sauce, fried mackerel or herring, spicy roasted chicken pieces.

You could also simply get some imperial rolls and five-spice chicken from the Vietnamese place around the corner, and make a party out of it.

No, I do not know how to make imperial rolls and five-spice chicken.
No one does, they're not telling us the recipes.
We still need them.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.

No comments:

Search This Blog


Objectively, the "good old days" were not very long ago. And they weren't that good. Obama got elected in 2008. What was parti...