MUST LIKE MONKEYS!

I share my apartment with a simian. A robustly recalcitrant simian. Like the sock sheep, he attempts to steal my laundry money while I’m at work, and demands to borrow my credit card. He wishes to purchase a banana plantation on the internet.

He has never actually succeeded at any of his dastardly plots. The laundry money is safe, because, like the small blue faced sock sheep, he can’t climb very well. The laundry money is up on a shelf – when I return in the evening, I often find the two of them tuckered out at the bottom of the bookcase.

Recently the monkey has been tormenting the froad (“weird green flippery guy”) mercilessly.
He avers that the froad has bug breath, and a gas problem, bloats up like a balloon and floats down the hall looking like a blowfish. A froad about to explode is not a pretty sight.
And those smells! Really quite frightful - why DO you have a stinky amphibian living here, big guy?

The monkey is taking advantage of Ms. Bruin’s apathy and grumpiness – she’s been rather abstracted since relations changed at our house. Normally the senior Teddy Bear would call him to order, but she’s been grumbling to herself lately, and refuses to exercise her authority.
It has not been peaceful – the monkey isn’t the only critter to act up, but he is by far the worst.
I will not bribe him with bananas.


ABSTRACT RELATIONS

I mention all this because a number of people have remarked that I need a girlfriend.
They have read this blog, and they worry about my mental health and emotional well-being.
Either that, or my sex-life.

Perhaps I should start dating again?

The idea does indeed appeal.
Except that I have certain exacting “specifications”.
Not just any girl will do. She has to satisfy precise criteria.

Intelligent, with deep-ranging interests - I wouldn’t mind at all someone with a degree in mediaeval studies or studying some obscure literary field.
And a young lady who is capable in another language would be splendid - certain European and Asian languages are natural candidates.
Bright eyes, no taller than five foot five or six.

Other than that, I am not at all sure how else to describe the ideal woman.

There is ONE very important consideratum, however, that cannot be overlooked:
MUST LIKE MONKEYS!

The little guy is full of piss and vinegar, he’s running me ragged.
The other roomies would also appreciate some help.
Especially the weird green flippery guy.


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