YOU CAN'T GET THAT THERE

On the internet, some supercilious sumbitch from Malaysia wrote sneeringly that you can't get decent fried rice in the United States. Well la di dah! Perhaps you were in the wrong place? Like deepest bumfudge Arkansas?

Unfortunately, because of APEC (November 11 to 17), San Francisco is presently filled with his type. We're awash with them. Plus the Secret Service and State Department folks.
And narco-terrorists from Latin countries. Errm, I mean 'dignitaries'.
From South America. Yes, that's it.
Dignitaries!

Nakende nondeju.

So sorry, boys, there is nothing here for you to eat, we have no culture and are fundamentally boring people. Also, most of us are unemployed drug addicts shooting up in our dank little apartments when we're not taking a dump on the streets. Best go home. Or to Florida.
Whichever has more trollops and catamites. You'll love it there.

Repeat: Nothing edible here. Please leave.

What I had for dinner was si jiu chicken and hong siu eggplant, lots of garlic sambal. I did not invite anyone from Malaysia, because there was no fried rice (nasi goreng). Why, as an American, I have never even heard of nasi goreng, ever, what is it?
Strange, exotic, and exquisite, no doubt.
Totally refined.

Other than multiple servings of burgers and fries (the American National Food), my diet this week has also included sliced machine cheesefood, very bad coffee, mac'n cheese, hot dogs made from mystery meat, donuts, energy bars and drinks, sugar-crusted fortified breakfast cereals, plus wheatgrass and protein shakes. All helped down with sambal ketchup.

Occasionally I had servings of cardboard. With lots of sambal ketchup.
Or clumps of compressed protein. With sambal ketchup.
Slabs of dead cow. And sambal ketchup.


Yep, best go home. There is no more sambal ketchup.
Salamat jalan and sampai lagi, y'all.



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