AND OAKLAND ESPECIALLY

One effect of current world events is to make me resolve that I should, within reason, boycott and excoriate certain countries. Among very many: England, Ireland, Scotland, South Africa, and Sweden. Sadly, this means that I cannot buy baked beans in a can, surströmming, or anything from Oakland, California, which is an outpost of one of the above.

Exceptions being Guinness, Jameson Whisky, or Peterson briar pipes. Plus real marmelade (Oxford or Dundee) and Yorkshire tea. And pipe tobaccos from Germain & Son or Samuel Gawith. Because I am a practical man. And a pipesmoker.
As well as opportunistic.

I'll just go through life without baked beans or surströmming.
Or, for that matter, non-American-made haggis.


Boys, I'm going to be a real joy to be around on Burns Night or Saint Paddy's. Fershure.
And by the way, learn to speak English. It's the international language.
You'll need it if you visit the civilized world.

At this point, I look at most of the world with considerable jaundice. You're all stupid, eat too much, and your moms dress you funny. Most of your countries are primitive hellholes with angry ugly people, you are all too full of yourselves, and your societies would benefit from punitive programmes and the forced implimentation of literacy. Especially Oakland.

Most shoplifters and street yobbos in San Francisco are from Oakland.
Car jackings and vandalism? Manifestly Oakland behaviour.
Child abuse and Karenism?
Oakland.


If Oakland and most of its arsehole denizens were wiped off the map or put in camps in the desert, the world would be a better place. Drugs, venereal disease, violent crime, domestic abuse, and congenital stupidity would be nearly eradicated.

Replace it with Yorkshire.



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